Grappling with guilt

At times I feel helpless...never know how to react to someone when they tell me their loved one passed away..
Its tough . The other person is hurting, no amount of what we say is going to change the way they feel. We cannot replace their lost one...each one has his place on this earth, and only they can give it value. Niether you nor I can fill that shoe.
When you know a person, whoever he is connected to makes us feel connected. I might never have met the person, nor might I meet him ever...but still we hurt.
How do we take our minds of the guilt, when thoughts come echoing back to us. " Could I have helped?"
"If I had just given him more money, maybe he could have used it? " ( but were we to know how soon it would be needed.
" If only I had met up and had lunch together"
So many ifs...but there is only one answer...
it didn't happen...and thats why we are asking the if?

Why do we get so ridden with such guilt. It can be stifling at times.
My driver's father passed away today. And i'm sitting here chewed up with guilt. If only I hadn't asked him to come this morning to take my son for his early morning practice., maybe he would have gotten those extra few hours with him.
But I really didn't know he would go away without recovering, and neither did my driver tell me. Each time I asked of his dad, he would say , he was on the way to recovering.
Was I being too presumptious?
Was I too selfish??
God!! this can be killing.

It’s funny how death changes ones perspective to thinking. Life, an energy dome, fails to teach us half the things that an event like a death can…