As weird as we can get!

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg

Last night my teenage son announced that he was going out for dinner with his friends. I had just come away from my kitchen, after making the rotis, that he loved so much, and the dal, the younger sunny boy loved. There was peas pullav too, if he wanted rice, which invariably he would want if I hadn't made it. I had just settled down feeling smug, that I had just about managed to understand my boy and today I had succeeded. And then his 'matter of fact' announcement happened. My heart was angry. I did the first thing i'm sure any mom would do, I asked him 'WHY'. His answer was simple and just that. He wanted to go out and eat with his friends and there was nothing else to it. 

We mothers are weird like my boys say. I want them to be independent, I want them to have friends, because, these are going to be their lifelines when they grow older. The boys see us, surrounded by friends. I have a treasure trove of them and want the same for my boys too. That's a small thing to want. But then, why did I react the way I did? Because I convince myself that i'm just normal.
Took me back to my childhood when we would sulk, when the dish made for dinner was not to our 'exciting' standards. (The same food is my comfort food now). We would walk across to my neighbour's house and eat what she had cooked. It didn't hurt then. It hurts now. Now when I think of what we put our moms through. We are our mother's daughters. 

I see the same rebellious spark in both my sons. I see the same emotions and the same 'groan'. They are my sons after all. At times, I am the paranoid parent. I can imagine all sorts of nonsense that can happen in their lives if i'm not around. I feel I am a superwoman who can prevent them if i'm around. I have my friends who hold me back. Who tell me to let go. I am learning. It hurts. It slowly dries up the tears that flow inside. And one day I see my boy standing tall, confident, happier and with that spark still in his eyes. I know I did the right thing.

Teenagers can be difficult. For themselves and for their parents. But inside they are just small lil boys waiting to be hugged and told that we still love them. 
My mother was not an expressive lady, like most of them of that generation. She loved us nevertheless, in her own way and we knew it. In every single movement of hers. Each time I stand at the door to say a 'bye' to my older son as he steps out for his college, I know i'm carrying on a tradition that my mother followed, which then didn't mean much, but its in my bank of memories that I love. I know my son loves it too. And i'm hoping that one day both the boys will turn back and think of their childhood with as much love as I do. 
My mother saw me through and i'm forever thankful. 

I am 'the weird, crazy' mom to my 17 and 12 year old boys. I get angry and scream and sulk. I hug them and smother them with love too. But I let go too. I see them grow and I am proud of what they are.

I am a mother. These 2 boys gave me that right. And i'm forever thankful too.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO EVERY MOTHER. And continue to be weird, that is our exclusive right :)

For all you MOMS!

So ,the weekend passed and all us, 'feel good moms', had a blast...why? You would think? 'Cos no one remembered it was 'Mother's Day' and none wished us :(. We were 4 moms sitting there sulking....but never felt any less happy. We were , only too much. The weekend had been a great stress reliever. And what more does a mom want other than to see her kids happy and playing with their friends, no tantrums, food polished off frequently. Dads, lounging around, no deadlines being spoken of...It was a truly a great Mother's day for all of us. It wasn't planned that way , so it was fun.


And while we were there...we even got to see other creations ....a beautiful one at that. It was a tailor bird's nest. And to our surprise, the lil one was still inside, all eyes closed and cuddled up in the small cosy space. The kids were too excited and would not leave their side.Clicked some pictures, and here they are...not great quality...what do you expect when the pictures are from my cellphone, and there's too much excitement around ..





I logged on today after the lovely weekend...and read Preethi's scrap, and she was sulking happily, ( we all know, her family loves her and so do we :) )..when I thought I'd put this poem out, that I had written, and thought this was a good time when the whole melodrama of the special day has died down...and this goes out to all the mothers out here..

Ma!!
The one word, that can bring forth
The cooing when her baby was born
The silly songs she sang while,
diapers that were changed on and on

The smile she held on
even though the world around her rolled on:
The one who remembers all baby's feeds
and even the family's around her.

She says she is tired
but she doesn't know what she says
she is still seen in all spaces
And walking around in a daze

Eat your vegetables, she says
yuck! tomatoes...the son says!
she makes Ravan look like a mouse
But she's all marshmallow inside.

The tomatoes are there,
pureed and camouflaged
Eat he must, and he will
Or else, he'll be grounded.

'Take the jacket, its gonna rain', she said
Oh! mom! Its so bright and sunny, you're crazy
And walks out with just a shirt trying to dare
and sure as she said, it pours and pours
through the rainbows and thunderous roars.

She's bony, not as the other mom's are
But when sonny needs a hug
The warmth and love hidden in there
envelops and fills, and spreads through all.

What does she get, when she stays
Long after the bus has gone
waving her hands, to the small little hands.
Until she can't see them no more
Eyes still glossy with unshed tears.

She's the one who makes us feel
the world is still beautiful
Don't worry at all
Your momma's there
She'll kiss evil, good bye after all.