An age, a licence and the confidence of being a teen

And so the day dawned.. The day that the boy had been waiting for since he stepped out of his 10th std all of 16 years. The day he thought, 'life is one picnic, because he had joined college'

A two wheeler is the dream of most kids that age. My son was no different. He ate, drank and dreamt of riding a two wheeler to college. He did not foresee a wall in the form of his mom. No son, no licence, no touching the vehicle ever. He was shattered. He had a long list of reasons ready.
"A is also my age, and his father has got him a licence by changing his birthdate"
"X is riding his bike the last few months, he hasn't been caught till now"
"We can get a licence from xyz town, they give a licence very easily"
Excuses and reasons were aplenty. But none that were legal, or that would be accepted.
I had refused to budge.
A friend tried telling me, "You rode a bike when you were that age, so why not him? I let my child ride the bike when the roads are empty"
My parents feeling extra proud of their daughter would extol the varied pursuits of hers. "Your mom rode a bike when she was in her 6th class. She would do this,she would do that.."

For me it wasn't about the roads. It wasn't about the safety of my boy on the roads. It was about ethics. When the law was not permitting, he will not do it.

But sadly, teenagers have a rule book of their own. I'm not categorizing all teens. It's mostly what I know,we as mothers discuss about and stress about.

I was told, that my boy might ride a vehicle behind my back. While in college or while I wasn't watching. At that I was confident. I had brought up my boy to be honest. I knew I could trust him. He had given me that equation. The equation of belief and trust.

Every two months he would plead with me. He would ask to go to the class right down the road, or for his hair cuts when there were time constraints. He bullied me, he cajoled me. He called me names. ( Yes, he did that. I'm sure there are other kids too, who do it) He was angry, he was feeling defeated.
Here was his mother who was acting 'weird'. Who was not like 'other moms'. 'Here was a woman who hated him'

Dear son, I wish you really know the agony I go through watching you hurt and upset. There have been times when out of frustration, I've wanted to hand over the keys and say "Ok, just this once" . It's been tough for me too. To stand and be honest to my principles.

I had said "You turn 18, get your license and the vehicle is yours"

It's been 2 years of stress, fear, uncertainties for the mother in me. As much as I would like to be strong, when it comes to one's own child, we are putty in the hands of these emotions.
It's hurtful to watch that boy who towers over you feel defeated. Feel upset.
But the only thing I have to say is, it hurts for now yes. But if something were to happen, god forbid, because you relented and it was against the law, as a parent you will never survive the mental agony.

I'm glad I stood my ground. My boy all of 18, confident and happy now, a wee bit disappointed with his mother, but putting that aside ,walks off with his documents in hand. Says he will not pay an agent. Says he will do it on his own. And that he is old enough.
Yes, he did manage..though there were a hundred calls to the mother in the few hours. But he did it.

And I'm a proud mother of a boy who now holds a licence to drive a vehicle.

Phew!
I now will just continue to worry...

Can 18 get any better?

       The books said, that the feeling is so amazing.. That once a baby is born, your world is brighter, it changes.. I didn't feel any of that. All I could remember was that I was done with the push and the scream and the pain.. I smiled at the boy baby they showed me and I promptly went kaput. It took me a couple of hours to get to being the 'Mother'... The first hold, the gentleness that I felt when I saw the most adorable face (that was the only part I could see) can never be described. And to hold those feelings precious, that only I can treasure. He was mine.

He made me his, when he followed me around holding my fingers...refusing to let go. When he refused to go to others I felt a sense of victory. (Later I wished, he'd go to someone, anyone ,so that I could at least use the bathroom when needed)

A child whose eyes twinkled when he laughed, taught me to hope. To live, to be happy for no reason at all. Each time there was a dip in my life, all I had to do was watch him look at his world and mine would be alright. He was my boy. He was my first born. He became my existence.
Time travels..and with it, it teaches experience.

Experience to know that the one who held your fingers, will glare at you if you get extraloving in school. No mom, you can't hug me...'I'm not a baby'...
But dear one, I need to hug you for myself.
His questions  became fewer, and his friends became more.

One day when he comes back from his cricket practice all by himself, I had no idea I'd be overwhelmed. I was learning to let go.. No more did I think that every auto guy would kidnap him nor was I worried he would take the left turn at the first sight of a HDFC bank.

For the mother in me, I didn't need big things to make me proud and happy for him. He was my Doberman... Moody ,snappy and silent at one, and then chattering away n happy the next, wanting me to hug him and pamper him.
I have truly and properly handed him my OCD genes.. And when I whine, my husband rolls his eyes at the madness we bring in.
The boy grew up and a young man soon followed. The young man closed his room door, spent more time inside, listened to songs the mother hadn't heard of even...
And refused to watch the absolute 'junk' (in his words) tv shows with me anymore..
I grew from being his 'sweetypie', 'loveyooo', to 'chill', 'nerd' to 'weird' mother. I've lived it all. But through it all,one thing was constant. 'You don't know anything, MA'...of course we moms don't know anything at all..but to watch their babies grow wings and fly away while we swallow that lump in our throats, for fear of being weird again.
I am the mother who will tear up, seeing her son bring home medals and praises from school. I will also tear up when I see him being generous with his affection to his friends who've gone through bad times. We understand and we just love.

Today as he turns 18 years.. I let go. I let go of my need to think of him as a baby. I let go, of my need to fear the worst for him. I know he will survive, I've taught him well. I let go of my fears for him...I let go of my boy. Go on son, dream on, live your dreams, make mistakes, learn from them, have the strength to accept your faults and forgive. Be a good human being..and just live your life.

In 18 years that baby I was holding is a young man now. That protectivenes I feel is still there, but I have been forced to slowly let him go.  This might be the hardest part, watching him step out into his own life and make mistakes, guiding him without nagging, balancing his need to be autonomous with my need to cling to him.. I will want to shout at him as he walks out the door, “I have kept you alive and well for 18 years, don’t mess this up for me now!"

But always remember, your 'weird' mom will forever love you and will continue to wait up, till you get back home to ask you 'Have you eaten anything?'

Here's wishing my big boy all of 18 the very best he can ever dream of... Sigh!! Even that bike that he always wanted.. Yes..

At 18, everything is possible and tomorrow looks friendly. - Jim Bishop

"So let's make this a memorable occasion
In every single way
And I'll be there to help you
Ensure it's a wonderful day. -

The love of friends and family
Will be with you today
So enjoy the many wishes
Which are bound to come your way"

Happy birthday my son 

Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!"

Children can be such stressbusters!!!

One minute they are making you tear your hair ( slowly dwindling numbers) out and the nest they are soothing your tensions away with their funny ways.
One day i'm sure i'll soon be waving my hands off to my kids backs and then i'll look back on these days and think " what the heck, it wasn't so bad after all!! I wonder why I made such a big fuss about it? :( " I guess parenting can be trying.

Trying, on the brains and on the slowly tiring out souls. With one son in his blissful teenage years, blissful because he wants it to be that, and knows the mom is glaring at the phase, and the younger brat on his case to becoming the best disciple of brotherhood!! It can be fun if one looks at it that way...but however I look at it, it doesn't seem so. Am I looking at life lopsidedly I wonder!
I always thought mothers were a 'super market' with endless supply of questions, solutions, craft projects, supply store....but sadly its never enough.
The older boy is always in the "You dont know anything, Ma" phase, but keeps coming back to me and asking me for opinions...and when I do give one, feeling way too thrilled at being considered, there is a retort " You dont know anything" Oh yes, we never know anything enough, do we???

Most of the times the siblings are at war with each other...fist fights and sometimes the younger sends out those nasty kicks too ( a karate kid, he is) ...but when I try to pry them apart and put them into their respective rooms, it fails to maintain some semblence of order. The very
next second, they are in each others rooms again. I give up and rightly so! Let them fight their wars...
It started off with " Don't hit him, he's younger and can't understand", but the young brat picked up on that and now he's bullying the older teen :( Talk of understated ages and sibling issues.

Erma Bombeck had rightly said this about kids
"Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids." How right she is!!

But the back of my mind rebels and rightly points its finger in the direction of guilt if I were to let them get a earful.

It is tough I know, Because guilt is the only gift that keeps on giving! I have to still find a parent more specifically a mother who refuses her child something for his own good only to spend the rest of the day wallowing in guilt. But i'm so glad to say i've finally conquered the "give in to guilt" syndrome...and can now just feel horrid and terrible but carry on as if I was always right...I smile through the guilt and let it eat my insides but still try not to give in to those emotional blackmails kids are so technically masters of.

Do you know how many it takes to turn off the bathroom lights? Well 2 !
1 who says "Which light?"
and the other who retorts with " I didn't turn it on, so..... " and this coming from a kid who's a member of the 'Go Green club' in our apartment complex... lol!!! hrmmmpffff.

I wonder how mothers of 10 kids managed in the yester years or did the phase teenage years never exist???
I'm still trying to find the far end of the momma super market , where they find patience and tolerance in discounted form or better the "Buy one get one free" section.

Is it right?

A very weird thing I heard on a radio FM station this morning. Normally I don't pay attention, but the songs keep playing and gives me the much needed musical background to the otherwise mundane household chores. But this morning, this perked me up. It was a program in which the RJ calls up someone ( on the callers request) and he gives the RJ a number to which they call and ask, or question or nearly spy on the other person. I found that a very eerie kind of a program. Firstly...why would I as a listener want to know what another person is doing or not doing in his life???? I dont want to know at all...but added to this misery, i'm supposed to also listen in to the pairs squibbling over petty matters or answering a suspicious girl/boy friend...beats me why I would want to know???

But today, the call made me wonder...I actually listened.

The scenario goes like this :

A father calls up the radio station, and tells the RJ that his son has been wanting to go on an excursion, and had asked him for
an amount of 1000 rs. He hadn't given it to the son ( reasons were not told on air). That morning, after the son left to go out, the father checks his wallet and finds money equalling 1000rs missing. He calls the radio station and wants the RJ to check on
the son, ( as per the show, ) .The RJ calls up the son, posing as the travel agent..and asks him top cough up the money within the following half an hourTo which the boy replies that he has the money on him and he would be there soon.At this point, the call changes hands to the father, and we can hear the father asking the son on AIR!!! about the missing money, etc..



This was so eerie and weird for me. Isn't the relationship between a parent and child very fragile and precious too?After this episode, the son can never face his peers who might have listened in, but also his own parents. There will be a feeling of shame and also hate...not because his father caught him ...but because he was on air with the public listening in.

I'm sure the situation could have been handled in a better way. Not all parents can provide for their children so easily...It is upto them, to make the children understand in a very ncie way, about the financial situation in their lives.



Many times when we as parents face such a situation, it is very difficult sometimes to saya 'NO' to the child. But I have realised it is far easier on the child to explain things as it is. And amazingly children are very sensitive and inspite of all their mischief, disobedience and problems....they are still your own child. And as a parent I think it is our responsibilty to see that the child learns from goodness and also from example.


I really hope parents really deal with such situations in a much more pleasant way. I do not transfer the entire blame onto the parent, the child is also responsible. But this could have easily been avoided.

This article also tells how this situation can be dealth with...
What do you'll think?
Was the father right in reacting such a way?

Nerd alert!!

Nerd is a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age inappropriate rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers

Obscure?!!!

Does that mean, I am one? :( Oh oh!! and all the while I was thinking I was being a very caring mother, one who answers the doubts unanswered by the school teachers ( wonder , how that issue will ever get solved?? ), felt very elated when I solved the math problems...i've had to study the chapters too before I let out my tirades...All the tarzanish yollering, all come to an abrupt end... :( :( :(

My son called me a 'nerd'

I was sure, being social ( I can talk to walls too...but thats the issue of being a chatterbox...) , I sometimes do dumb things like walk into walls or furniture...not always pursuing intellectual activities...I still push a door that says pull...yeah...I can be dumb too..., I stop myself from jumping and touching the branch of a tree on the roadside, ( thinking it is not age appropriate..( the auto drivers might just die narrating the incident to the next 100 drivers along the street :( ...). And I take part in some of the popular activities like watching movies or television ....I'm not a loner...I have friends too...and love each and every one of them , and keep in touch with them too.
But then why do you think I am a nerd????
Well , unit tests are on now...and somehow, my elder son assumes, the way to solving math problems are just getting the answers right...which of course the school and all their clan frowns upon...they need the steps ...and I very smartly told him that...
" How can you just write an answer, how will they know how you got to it??. When I was in school ( wrong call....totally...should have just shut up) we used to always write each step and didnt think of arguing like this"
"Huh!! You were a nerd , ma!!"
Nerd?!!!!

How do they expect us to teach them anything if we don't know anything?? But if we know it, we are nerds...wow!!! Great isn't it?
The other day, I overheard a few students in my sons' school talking...( I know, I should learn not to eavesdrop on kids....). One of the kids while watching a match was trying to write down his notes, that he had missed..( I thought that was so cool and smart, he was so responsible) , when.....
"Saw that A, what a nerd he is..so dumb, no?!!..."
Poor child, and here we mothers were sitting and wishing all our sons would at least look at their books and not run around like monkeys, convincing the principal that their teams needed cheering , so he should give them permission to watch all the matches...huh!!!

Then I read this somewhere...

Nerds are also sometimes portrayed as having symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, such as by showing an extreme devotion to following rules.

I think I need a time out and go assess my skills at parenting and more of being a "non-nerd"...and I just need to find out what the hell this word Esoteric Knowledge means??

Parenting

I always identified with Calvin as a child (I suppose you could say I still do), and this strip pretty much sums up what being a kid like Calvin is like. What I feel like half the time. Wondering about whether parenting is the best option....???