Thursday, February 12, 2009

Just one word is enough!

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it. ~Wilson Mizner

I got down from the auto last evening, and I had this simple thought to tell the driver that he drove really well. Amidst all the road rage, the abuses hurled at the passers by and the " they never go where you want them to " syndrome, I did just that. I told him "Neevu chennagi drive madthira"( you drive very well)...and then when I saw him give me a shy smile, I knew I was a happier person.This set me thinking.. ( at least the brains tried to function !)Tell me one person, who doesn't like being complimented. I'm sure there are always those who feel that giving out compliments need effort. Let me burst that bubble : IT DOESN'T

A few years ago, when my son was in junior school, his teacher made them do this small activity. She asked each of them to take a page, and write their name on the top of the sheet. She then passed it around and made each child put down one word or phrase he thought was apt for the boy whose name was written on top. At the end of the activity she gave the child his respective page with the entire list written in childlike and honest answers. My son still treasures that page. It had praises and some criticisms too. Some were funny and some very rude. But the lovely thing was, he loved it. He actually knew what his friends thought of him and he loved them for it.

Compliment someone with sincerity. They are simple, powerful and so relationship building. There are so many reasons to praise someone., but the most imoprtant one : It makes you feel good.Do you realise that when you compliment someone, you are just being honest, and you are connecting with the person directly and it isn't mixed up in this fast paced world, where work , speed, rage and stress takes over. Remember the Jadoo ki Jhappi, in Munna bhai...a compliment is so similar to makes both feel good.
There are too many insincere compliments thrown around on a daily basis. A powerful compliment must come from your heart and be real.
There is no age limit to one who can be paid a compliment. Try telling a younger one, something nice...and see their smile light up, and when you step forward, you find that the smile has reached your eyes too.There are also many hidden benefits to giving compliments. It's amazing that such a small, simple skill like giving away compliments can change the way you view yourself and the world around you. It will strengthen your relationships, boost your self-esteem, and increase your self-confidencePeople's positive traits jump out at you. Your thought processes shifts from looking for the worst in people to looking for the best. Being proactive spills over into your life. You see the possibilities, not the obstacles.

Remember the scene from "As good as it gets" ? Jack Nicholson in the restaurant scene. Watch it here
Don't know how and with whom to start? Let me help you, Anyone and everyone. Here's a list to get you started.
Close Friends

Don't know what to say? Have you tried just
'You look beautiful'
you are so helpful
you are fun to be with
you speak so nicely
What you did was so nice ( I use this pretty often with my sons) They are so used to us parents always nagging or disciplining them, that such positive words help them out.
I don't know how to run my day without you ( I have this reserved for my maid : she's a great girl...and yes, I really miss her. She's quit the job 'cos she's gotten married. :( )

Five heartfelt, honest to goodness, acts of kindness. It costs nothing but a little time, energy, and the desire to make your life and the lives of others better. Compliments are defined as gracious words, given freely, which create happiness for both the giver and the receiver. They are based on the universal truth - everyone appreciates kindness.
Learning to receive a compliment graciously allows both the giver and receiver to feel good. Many of us have been conditioned to dismiss compliments. People who can't accept a compliment do so by deflecting the compliment, downgrading the compliment, or transferring the credit.
In order to accept graciously, all it takes is two words - Thank you. Just say a " Thank you"

I don't want to stop here, but of course i'd like to say this
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