Friday, December 21, 2007

Tis a season to be jolly!!!

Life is complicated…as much as we make it…we laugh , it laughs back at us, we cry, and we leave the world as mute spectators…

Wah!!! What a sermon I started off with…Just didn’t think I’d be left with nothing to think off or write about. Brains worked overtime, pens rushed on the paper, and all this while the exams were going on for the kids. It never is a test of capabilities of the children, it is a test of patience for the parents. And now that schools closed for vacations , brains are on a strike.

One look at my house during the exams season…one would think, an alien has landed with no idea what to do with the creatures he’s found in the 2*2 flat we stay…There’s so much of tension in the air, it can start a spark…and it does most days.

Each morning starts with amazing calm, and rushed feeling of inner peace…the nip in the air seems to sing along with me. It knows the air around is soon going to heat up..just like Bangalore weather…and it does.

Act 1. Waking up kids ( I hate to do that, ) can be agony. For both the mother and the son. He looks so peaceful and cute, that you’ll want to give yourself a few more minutes with that hot mug of tea…knowing full well that once awake you’re on a rolling wagon….doesn’t seem to stay still….you’re screaming heads off, running from one bathroom to the other, trying to wake up the little one who’s in an even more blissful sleep and who also tells you that “you’re bad” inside of his quilt…and just making you wonder why schools ever start so early…it breaks your heart to do this to the kids.( but nah!! I’m not going to let them know that) For a very organized mother, I can be a devil if my kids fizzle out while getting ready…so far I’ve managed to only interchange their lunch boxes, and said my byes at their bus stops, with invisible hugs, only to find that I’m still clinging onto their lunch bags…and then you can see a hassled woman….running behind the bus….and then I say “ My sons are so terrible, they drive me crazy!!! “ Can you blame them?

Kids packed off, peace reigns, silence at home…but no joy…still have maids to handle. Whoever said life’s a bed of roses should stay here and handle maids…I feel its always better not to have one. ( you can always blame time, money, your incapabilities, etc) But having one…you’re looking at the clock, minute to seconds once she doesn’t land up at her allotted time…then the tension starts…one would think you’re so incapable, but its not that…its just, that, you’ve hired her and she damn well land up…Now that vacations have begun, you’d think its fun and free time…

If you don’t find me on this blog for a few days…just ring up the local NIMHANS number…I’m sure they’ll be glad to put you across to me…their very happy inmate..
And you’ll get a basket of fruits if you happen to be the one to take me there..
Just praying that I don’t lose creative abilities, learn lots more patience while seething inwardly…that I learn to nod my head at the right time, and not half a second later…remember that Ghost Riders belongs to the younger one and WWE the older ones…pokemons are passé, PSP is ok, but inspite of everything, and no time to breathe, “ma its so boring What do we do? “ I still love the vacations and the space it brings with it.

While I enjoy my mad vacations, I’d love to wish each and every one who comes here..”A MERRY CHRISTMAS”

Let the cheer of the season spread amongst all of you and let there be love and joy.

Reminding you that there is a Santa out there..and he’s real!!!!

Ho Ho Ho

If you’re partying, go ahead and enjoy, but please don’t drink and drive…

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Lets dance!!!

DANCE THE BODY MUSIC.....One of the first few songs that stuck in my head like a ear worm...from the group, OSIBISA..while I was young and learning to understand what music was all about.

It set the feet tapping and its been tapping all along...dancing begins in the heart. Its what I believe...U don't need music to must feel it...

Our country has such vast dance forms, that I feel so proud to be part of its culture...(pssst, I haven't learnt a single form though :( , I enjoy watching them )

Each one form expresses so much beauty that there is sheer ecstacy in their movement. Close your eyes, feel the music in side of you....and sway to the rythmn ...and here's what I witnessed while my friends made promises to each Goa,

He looked into her eyes and said "I do"
She smiles,glow on her face
and love in her eyes, whispers back " I do"

The bond has been sealed.
The celebrations begin
Its time for the folks
To rejoice with dancing

Wine glasses raised,
the toasts to be made,
Cake to be cut,
all eyes on them, but-

The strains of the music
flowing in amidst the hik, hiks!
It starts of soft as butterfly wings
But then the tempo rings

Cheek to cheek
Toes apart
Hands entwined
Smiles reaching the twinkling eyes

So much beauty
In the sway of the hips,
the knowing lips
Love for all to feel

Dancing in the wind
see breeze flowing past
Hair curling into wet locks
on the forehead

Music flows into the air
The spring of the rythmn
Brings on an air

Theres a blending of hearts
Swaying around, on blissful beats
Dance the body music,
Music makes us happy!!

While going through the prompts at Sunday Scribblings, this is what got me onto my feet....

Sunday, December 16, 2007

De-cayed wants!

Mad's from "One true thing" had tagged list out 10 things that i'd want to do in the next decade of my life..., Tough job for me..., I have never planned a minute ahead of today :)...there were so many that I hadn't realised until I started listing them out...but at least it brought back those dreams, and refreshed them...and now I want to achieve all of them....and here they go...

1. To climb the Mt Everest. Before my knees start knocking, and the ears can't hear - the 'whoosh' of the mountain wind , I want to climb the peak. I have put it off at each phase of my life , for various reasons, some silly some real....but I don't want anything to stop me...I want to go all the way to the top and just touch it....

2. Jump up in the air! Legs thrown out with aggression...Well!!! Images have always blended with dreams and dreams were built in my heart. And thats what I want to do...learn Kalaripayattu'- the ancient martial art

3. 'A girl so calming to the mind!' It sounds like an ad, but this is not the reason! I want to adopt a girl- a little baby girl. If anyone out there thinks it is natural for me to want this, cos' I have two boys as my own, let me tell you-- Its a dream and a want so strong, I had made up my mind, that if i'd had had 2 girls then another girl it'll be....For me it is the need to bring home the little bundle and make her mine. Its not easy for me ;cos the family have to give wholehearted support and love. I pray that they'll get convinced soon :)

4 .A round, smooth surface. Turn heads , 'cos I had the guts to just do it. Yes!! I want to go Bald ( a clean nut!! ) for a season, or at least a day

5. Diving in the Great Barrier Reef, watch the sun set from all the 5 oceans... ( i've managed only Indian ocean so far! ), go on an Arctic expedition, visit all the wonders of the world ( ancient and modern) and a trek from Manali to Leh...., a hike down the Grand Canyon, yep! these are some things that I want to do, in the next 10 years of my life...

6. I grew up listening to the chants of the' Venkatesha Suprabhatam' every morning..Though i've heard it millions f times, I can never recite it all by myself...I want to learn the entire lines and recite it myself...and not trouble MS Subbulakshmi...

7. I want to go up in space! Yes! I know, lots of others would like to do that. But I want to go, not as a touristy thing, but very much , part of the crew (NASA!!! can u hear???? ) I can hear the sniggers and the smirks, but I want to ignore that and wish that I do go up there...

8. A swim across to the 'Vivekananda Memorial' from the shores of Kanyakumari. Ever since I heard my father regaling us with his experiences of the swims while he was younger, I've been wanting to do it...(I did try swimming in the deep dark, inky smooth waters of the indian ocean, a few kilometres away from the shore , nothing in sight, just plain blue green water...and it was exhilerating!!! It does give you a high...but I want to still cross over to that majestic rock in the middle of the sea.

9. I want to live in a different city for a while. Living here and growing roots, gets to me. I don't want to settle down there, but maybe just for a couple of years in a different country or city or anywhere....

10. Friends give me Power! I don't want my circle of friends to break or disintegrate . I want that we are always together. I have a warm circle, some live so far away from me, that I hardly get to see them. But I don't want to lose that bond, that has tied us for all these years.

So this is it!! Too many far-reaching and high energy wants, but i'll try and achieve them ** looks up at the sky**" Are you listening?? It is said that "If you want something really hard, the world conspires to give it to you" So are you all listening...??
I'd love to tag others along, just so that we get to know what they would have thought of doing in the next decade of their lives....and here goes
Thinking aloud (from aalochane)
J (on the rocks!)
PS(Just a mother of two)
Ziah(a slice of lime!)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Cherishing moments!!

4 years!!! and we had been dreaming of being together,
the dreams of building our lives, our hopes that could entwine.
The days of making up excuses to meet, those simple gestures that we would cherish.
Those stolen glances, that we could decifer,Whatever they conveyed
Those calls made late into the night...We wanted to be together..

The parents gave their approval, the friends made their plans
to take their days off from work
The preparations began, in full earnest...invites printed, some posted, some personally invited
The appointments were made for the beautifying rituals
Each time , it made us smile
We were that much closer into realising those precious dreams..

Packing up...stuffing all the childhood into those few cases..
nothing could take in all those moments
Those moments that made up the walls
Those minutes that tore down the posters, each one trying to compete with the next hero
The little notes tucked into the drawers of memory
Each memory brought me a smile albeit a slightly sadder one this time

Closed the case down on those cherished moments in that room
Hoping that no one would turn it down into something else after!
Did I have a right?? Yes I thought, but the mind said No!!
You'll make your own space in your new home
Give this for the next one to love
Leave behind, love and hugs...

Smiled through the tears and waited for the moment
The moment when I would be another
A title added, but the same person inside nevertheless
A wife to one, a sister to another
A daughter yet again, I'll have to start all over
Make my beginnings and learn to love
Isn't this what we waited for!

We smiled as we sat through the rituals
Every word absorbed...each guest acknowledged
Each minute awaited!
And then the moment arrived!!

I sat on the lap of my maker!
He holds my hand and gives it away
to the one he prays will love and cherish forever and ever
His daughter he has always held dear:

I can see smiles all around me...but its so blurred the faces merge into another
I know my father is holding back tears
While his daughter steps across the threshhold of yet another...
And then I know...I can't let go!!
I want all of it!!! this and that, today and ever.

I smile through streaming tears
4 years I waited...
and NOW is what WE wanted!!
The moment had come and brought smiles for each other!

In response to the prompt at Writer's Island, bringing back memories...and smiles those precious moments as I celebrate my 13 th year with my loved one..

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Mind talk!!

Keep Your Mind in the Middle of Your Tongue

This is what I read about in a meditation technique... ( don't ask me why, I was reading it in the first place??!!!! ) It goes like this...

With mouth slightly open,

keep mind in the middle of the tongue.

Or, as breath comes silently in,feel the sound “HH.”

I tried, really, I did...but then I was in tears.....My tongue was dry and I was thirsty...and I forgot that I was supposed to be meditating...I forgot the purpose and forgot the need..all I needed was a glass of water....

Did I do it right??? No!! How could I ???
How can one whose mind is always on a world tour, trying to gather the snowflakes from Boston, the dew from Delhi, the smell of the pines from Manali, the lingering fragrances of a long gone childhood nestled in the wooden flooring of and old house in Mysore.., the mouthwatering smells of the masalas, that those hotel guys make so early in the morning, that you're dying to go knock on his door and ask him for some.....How can I??,
When the mind is focussed on getting the folds on the towel right, I need to focus on the mind which is right now wondering if the sambhar should have 2 teaspoons of coconut or 3 or whether Gajar ka Halwa should be made today or tomorrow??!! I also was trying to look from the corner of my eye, if my husband would walk in to see his wife, doing some dog like poses!!!

How can I gather all of them from nowhere and bring it all in to the centre of the tongue...such a small space for undefined numbers...Wouldn't they get too crowded and start a war out there????
Is that why, I can't just stop myself from chattering, nineteen to the hands flying about in all directions trying to express all those words that can be fully understood even if I didn't show people the silly visual antics....

"What are you doing when you are thinking? Talking within. Can you think anything without talking within?"

This line I understood...oh so well....I do the talking, be it in the mind, mouth, hands, eyes..I do the talking!!!
So i'm still normal!!! Or am I???

Do you ever do the talking from within??

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

His hands can turn around fully...look!!

Just a few seconds ago she heard a nerve racking came from the play area...the same direction from where she had heard cackling of laughter, arguments coming out of small sweet voices....half of them just being parrotted, just because the older kids use them....sweet, melodious chatter,it was like the early morning chirping of the green parrots that keep flitting about from one tree to another,amidst the noise and din of the traffic...It was all so normal....the noise was needed, to assure her, that everything was going on just fine...

The scene out of the balcony seemed so beautiful., so blissfully joyous, sandcastles being made, small ginger hands digging into the sandpit, making long tunnels to let the water from the tap,filled in the bisleri bottle , taken from some generous ground floor apartment lady. All bringing a smile to her face.

She went about getting things ready for the evening meal, put aside the toys still running around on its tracks or spinning in the board all by its loneself...
Pulled on her shoes...she had decided to go for a walk...the weather was so brilliant, it made you want to feel the breeze..she had just finished tying the laces, still smiling, thinking of how it felt to feel free, and happy...

And then she heard it!!

Her blood froze!!...It always did, at such sounds...her house was sitting right there like some mother hen watching over her brood...and she did just that....kept an eye for all the other mothers....She rose from her chair, to go in the direction of the sound, when the frantic ringing of the phone, brought her back. She half ran, half walked, she wanted to get back to see what the scream was all about.
She answered the phone.., and stood transfixed., her heart beating faster than before and her mind running in all directions..but it was just a fraction of a second. She needed to act fast. She knew in her heart, what was wrong...she just felt it.
And then she fast as she could...and looked down into the area, where she was told he was...Her heart did a somersault..
He was sitting there, so tiny and so lost.., his friends, just a year older maybe, surrounding him. One took his hand and held it up for others to see..."hey, look, da!! His hand can do one full round!" Her tears were streaming down her cheeks!!
And then she found her voice! "Stop that!! Don't touch him!!" she screamed her lungs out!! It must have been the fear in her voice or the agony, will never know...all the kids were rooted to their places....the older brother looked up, and went about his game ( for that age, his game was important, how could he know what was wrong!!and how bad?? )

She bounded down the steps...couldnt wait for the elevator to take her down, she ran, like a mad bull was chasing her!!! 3 steps at a time..and reached 4 floors in record time of 10 secs...never know how she did that!!

Looked at the little face looking up at her...never had she seen a more serene face, eyes so trusting and hands held out!!
She went forward arms outstretched!! Glad that she had reached him...glad that she could see for herself what was wrong!
She looked down then...and what she saw, broke her heart!! The hand was hanging limp from the wrist, a small portion of the wrist at a varying angle from the forearm....she swallowed hard...she couldn't afford to cry..couldn't afford to show fear...couldn't even ask what had happened???

Just lifted the little bundle all of five, in her arms, and then she felt the shiver, and felt the tremble....his face was burrowed in her neck, ....and then she knew he was feeling safe, safe in his mother's arms, safe in his mother's cooing!!!

But then will this image ever go away from her mind???