Monday, October 29, 2007


Ma!!!! I forgot! ( Heard this before??) and the time says 8.50 P.M. Now, if this forgotten malady existed before 7, wouldn't it have been cured. No! How can it? Where's the excitement of parenting, where's the rush hours, the stress....? so I gingerly, ( hoping against all hopes its just a very normal thing forgotten and for which I have my useful remedies. That sweet stressful, 'ur my best mom 'look oozing out of those sly eyes....knowing full well, that a 'not done project' could mean me standing in the silent corridors, chewing more than my fingernails...worrying to death, what that lil, mind must be ging thru...nah, I'd rather trudge thru the rainswept , slushy roads, with umbrella in hand and go digging into dusty chart papers, pictures, and god knows what, looking the best clown that can be conjured. PLonk myself to the task of cutting sticking, and being told what to do, and more importantly: " You don't know anything, ma" , only to hear the next minute ...a screech, " Maaaaa.....shit!!!( I thought there were better words being taught lil children, all of 11, ) I forgot!! one more??? Now what???...I had to stick pictures in my note. Thats cakewalk, I thought.

But who said it was....early paleolithic man, didnt think they would require his skills and tools to be kept ready in hand all colored and printed, did he??? At 9.00 pm , its back to the ever helpful, internet ( How did these kids manage in the pre-internet days??? ) Maybe the project were based on those pictures you got in the friendly neighbourhood 'shetty angadi' [the all purpose mall for us hassled mom's- all of 100 sft]

Sit through, cutting and sticking, trying to act all knowledgeable, when the silence is haunting.....the rascal lot, has gone into deep slumber...knowing that momma, will ease it away... 3 hours, and endless moves to keep the "segmenta sacralia medullae spinalis:- no adlike moves, with MOOV-from collapsing . And as my friend says, keeping the eyes open with a pair of clothes clips....finish with the very much appreciated ( by thyself of course, what did u expect???) work. I quickly close all paraphernelia...and jump straight into bed. With visions of glowing monsters, attacking the gluestick only to let it fall splash on the sheets..., the looming faces of the teachers...) I blissfully settle into deep slumber.
And who said it was eay. But the "awesome, amma, ur the best" drives all those monsters into their nooks.....and I get back to chewing the nails, .....

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Zombies or sleepwalkers??

They sound more like zombies than sleepwalkers...

Read this article in the media...and all my brain induced stupor, went into a flying spacewalk....

A surge in naked sleepwalking among guests has led one of Britain's largest budget hotel groups to re-train staff to handle late-night nudity.

Travelodge, which runs more than 300 business hotels in Britain, says sleepwalking rose seven-fold in the past year, and 95 percent of the somnambulants are scantily clad men.

"We have seen an increased number of cases over the years so it is important that our staff know how to help sleepwalking when it arises," Leigh McCarron, the chain's sleep director, said in a statement.

One tip in the company's newly released "sleepwalkers guide" tells staff to keep towels handy at the front desk in case a customer's dignity needs preserving.

The company said naked wanderers often ask receptionists such questions as "Where's the bathroom?," "Do you have a newspaper?" or "Can I check out, I'm late for work?"

Studies have found that sleepwalking can be brought on by stress, alcohol, eating cheese or consuming too much caffeine. It generally takes effect an hour or two after going to bed, when people are first slipping into a deep sleep.

Asked Thursday why she thought 95 percent of its sleepwalkers were naked men, a Travelodge spokeswoman said: "We have more men staying with us than women, so that could be a factor."

I think the Shunyata state was far better.....

Thursday, October 25, 2007


Shunyata in Sanskrit means literally "void" or "emptiness", that is to say, "space", the absence of all conceptualized attitudes.

Thats what i'm feeling right now...absolutely no power over my thought process and nor do I have the reasoning for it....feels like the brains took a holiday all by themselves :(

There is a feeling of suspension, somewhere between, knowing and not caring...Things fall into place, only because they have been tuned inside the system, to function.....nevertheless, there is a fear that it might take over physical functions....Is it so tough to bring back that feeling of "I know myself" or is it tougher to know that there is a pause in the processess...

No coherency, is what brings about confusion...and its being pulled into the void of blankness..

Thought that such a feeling means, you are under control, ....but am I really??!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Sisters in arms!

Siblings anyone??

As kids, we used to draw this imaginary line on our beds, to distinguish my place from hers. And god forbid if we stepped over the lakshman rekha in our sleep. Now when I look back it sounds and feels so silly..., but it brings me good memories, none that gives me a reason why we did it, back then.

We had fights over who got the better piece of the honey cake, or even better, the bigger piece always felt as if it was sliding towards her, and just ditched me:( It was never true, now I know) . After having 2 kids now, I know a mother will never do that to her kids...not because she wants to be fair, but because she wont be able to handle the fights that follow...

Everytime I went away on some camp or the other, I could sense the glow in her smile and knew she was happy or rather terribly glad to see my back fade into the rickshaw that would take me away to the station or wherever....

Early mornings before we both left to college, I remember those times, when the neatly ironed clothes in my wardrobe would suddenly make space on her petite body.
Sharing a room with her, was like living in a bombed out room....her table always had something or the other defeating all rational reasoning of balance and proportions....while I would get a disease if things went haywire on mine...

Now years later, and many grown up experiences and cities apart

I crave for that Lakshman Rekha, which i'd gladly cross, even if it meant to cross never happens....the bed is always usurped by the 2 brats of mine who both want her on their side

Now a piece of cake never sits on her ever dieting I get to eat the big and small of it...and when she makes such huge efforts to bring me the same...I can't hold back my tears

Now when we see the backs of each other...even if it was after just meeting for half an hour after months and years, we, turn back again and again, just to get that one last glimpse of her oh so smiling face

And when she gifts me clothes and stuff, I can't but help think back to those times, when I would wish that she never would see clothes...

And years down, she tells me that I need to get my life back in action and organise my haphazard plans...

Sisters will always remain sisters....Feel like wringing their neck at times, but when you miss them , so bad, all you want is for life to turn back and give you those small moments to cherish and smile...And then one day pray that they get the best out of life and not you.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

10 commandments

Had a great time holidaying!! Went through the entire ritual with kids, crankiness, excess baggage, shopping, .......

First :
I'm sick of sitting in cars, endlessly....

Second :
I'm sick of roti , dhal, sabzi, paneer..... and breakfast buffets

I'm sick of trying to find that magic space in my suitcase to fit in that extra shopping item...and when I do find it, find that one more needs space...

Fourth :
I'm sick of buying gifts for uncles, aunts, grandpas, neighbour, his dog, and then finally realise I havent bought anything for my own its back to shopping

I'm tired of feeling gulity that I slept too much

I'm not sure if I ever want to fly again...I hated those cutlets

I hate myself for packing so many warm clothes and still not finding a fresh one the last day of my trip, so had to do washing

Never ever thought I'd crave to cook again

I thought i'd never miss the net, blogging, my friends, but I sure did...a hell of a lot :(

Tenth :

A happy Dussehra to all....glad to be back from the most amazing place...Manali and Rohtang

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Clothes tags!!

The last few days had been extremely hectic , what with kids exams going on...Dont know if the school holds them to test the parents' patience or the kids' brains....
After days of haggling with whiny, absentee kids....thought, I'd have a nice and relaxed time, after all its their vacation now...

All happiness and anticipation of good things to come vanishes into thin air like the genie quickly stuffing himself back into the lamp :( . Or am I the only one who's whining up the wall?? It brings me to such thought processess, that I feel guilty of being bad...or maybe too fussy.
Should I just let them be...
Just let them? ,,...... wake up at the hour when lunch is fast call from a friend ...only to have them jump into the basin to finish their otherwise, dreaded jobs, down their breakfast, etc at breakneck speed....and in a matter of a second vanish in front of your eyes...and your left standing like a foolish owl, mouth wide open and smoke coming out of your ears...Then I convince myself that after all its vacation time...chill...c'mon...let them be..

Lunch time forgotten, and I'm back to searching high and low for them....screaming out their names, that one day my neighbours will have me arrested for disturbing their idyllic settlement :(
After a long search, I find them all huddled ...reminds me of those urchins..grouped around each other...heads bent over some small contraptions...and so engrossed they can't hear....they just can't...and I watch while they play to understand what makes them like this so much....can't understand why they need to ....keep jabbering at some minute button, and peer into the almost invisible characters on the screen...and since that goddam thingy needs light to be seen...they keep migrating to new spaces where there is natural light....tried understanding them and their obsession with these gameboys, ps2's ...but never could...
So now i've decided to let them be...

Got back to the rather inane task of cleaning and folding those umpteen clothes...and found a new t-shirt....and cracked up reading the tag....couldn't understand in the first place, why they even try to attach so many tags....I hardly read them, ....its so irritating....cos, when I need to I don't have a scissors around, and then that damn string is so ungiving....and then they expect me to read the stupid tags too????
This one though escaped and slapped my face....but brought a smile at least

It read " I'm only coming if you've got the....t-shirt waiting for me to wear...." " we'd like to get your kid hooked into the goodness of Tantra early on in life ! That way, he/she can grow up to be a 'free' spirit, and we can grow old to be respectable billionaires...."

Billionaire indeed?!!!
someone give me the hammer........

Tuesday, October 9, 2007


A friend who conducted the workshop sent this article, and it brought back images of water , color, questions, and expansive expressions of pure innocence...

Monday, October 8, 2007

Sounds of silence

Silence !!

How many years of our childhood lives have we heard school, from our moms, friends perhaps...and quite a few times on the court....not to be missed " Silence please , thank you" on our Wimbledon courts..

There have been so many ways to express it....sumne iru, being a very kannadiga way of saying it...Vaaya moodu, from the lands of tamilians, arre yaar chup karna...from our northy brethren...shut up, keep quiet, silence, stop many expressions all for the need of just a simple deed!! Quite daunting a task, if you think of it. Don't you?

But this very silence...brings forth so many emotions, so many unexpressed feelings, and so many unborn sensations.

All the time that a need to be alone within yourself, you seek silence, there is always a greater need to understand that serenity around understand the enclosure of peace from within you.

It can be deafening at times, this silence...the echoing of senses that you would rather leave behind, or sometimes the reflection of joyous thoughts that keep playing back and forth within your world of quiescence.

And in the midst of this hush, you witness the answer to your contemplation, and then you begin to understand that
"silence was more eloquent than a thousand words spoken"
It is said that,
"meditative silence is more than the mere absence of speaking, rather silence is the absence of thinking. Meditation occurs when the mind is in a state of balance, when thoughts subside from bombarding the mind."

Can we ever stop thinking??

And then Simon & Garfunkel come back to break the sounds of silence :) ....

Friday, October 5, 2007

Flights of agony!!

And then the metal bird with wings took off...
A 3 hour or less glide through the skies....smooth flying and a 'high' i'm sure to the hunk ( aren't they always!! )sitting behind the controls....looking out at those puffy "white bales of cotton", in an entirely different plane altogether, unaware [ and maybe he's just hiding his smirk :( ] of all the soaring stress levels in those super efficient mom's with the ever more lovely kids...

Yeah, he is unaware....

Now i've always failed to understand, why?? when there are 21 hours before a flight.....and all precautions taken to assure no hassles...why is it that your child always wants to use the loo...only then in those 3 short hours...why??

And it has to be now!!!

This trip to those elegant wonders called *toilets, reminds me of those stretch denims enter the wonder room, and the walls ( whatever little you can see of it) just close in around you....tight and well fit....
Your child is now fidgeting around , and so u move around only to knock into something....and then you realise its everything....lift the fidgety rascal....and then you feel a trickle down your back...turn around to see, that the tap, does look so interesting to that brat, and he has found it
too before you....You manage to stop that flow, when you hear a plonk, ...and there is that shining metal thing standing mutely looking at me...its previous occupant , just went down the pot!! the toilet roll....oh now what else??? try to find a quick way out....finish the job, half hanging for dear life...and the other half to one hundred other things.....and quickly run out....job
done....feel like you've walked to the moon and back....and am I glad the journey's over....

Now the train journey, is a whole ball game altogether....There can be some really sweet stewards who seeing a child offers you that extra ice cream, or that one extra sweet...and all the while your child is looking at that icecream, as if he's never ever seen one , why?? Can't he see i'm still juggling with the one tray already, placed so picture perfectly on that contraption in front...the one that plops right back, if you give it a slight try doing the circus, with the fidgety rascal on your lap...and the tray in front and the extra icecream ....and your growling tummy screaming blue murder....They say that when a child cycles his legs in the air it gives his legs strength and helps in its it has to be done....
Now I know how it is to have a child kick, kick , kick your seat from behind, with such a rythmn that even Sivamani will bow his head I try to hold onto those legs in the hopes of stopping the beat....but those escaping feet, just nudges the tray....isn't it supposed to work that what the heck....tray slides tray and all....and in the process of
stopping the icecream ( the one the extra thoughtful guy has handed over to my oh so cute kid) in the other hand goes flying ....across the aisle, and then I need to hide my plastered smile....way deep down into those unseen bags and junk......

why? why ? And all we think of is the next vacation and where do we go now????

And this time ...its a whammy....first the flight , then the train ride, and then the road trip....with 2 seemingly innocent boys...

I think i'll opt for a tranquilizer for myself!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


Scene 1:

School play:

Theme : The fight for Indian Independence

Cast : A whole lot of 7th grade girls

Brilliantly directed mega production. Lovely songs, great actors (ahem, ahem ) and a whole lot of influences

This day will always remain etched in her mind.

Reason : An opinion about Gandhiji, was formed in the mind of a very young innocent girl.

The girl who played the role of Gandhiji. Full costume , complete with the bald head ( a wig! but still ) and charkha..long pages of drawling nasal speeches....yes it did leave a biased opinion.

She hated Gandhi after this play was over.

And not because of who he was, or what he spoke or what he did...not because of the long speeches she had to remember, or the unusually awkward position she had to sit , turning the charkha. Not even the baldness or the costume .....

But only because she had to miss going out on an outdoor scouts and guide's camp...and many of her best friends were going. She had to stay back to practice....and the teachers had promised to send her for the next one, but it didnt cheer her up

Looking back, I wonder how small things can influence a whole gamut of emotions in one's defining decisions and even more so ,simple reasons for wholesome disappoinments...
And coming to think of it.....GANDHIJI had nothing to do with this :)