Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!"

Children can be such stressbusters!!!

One minute they are making you tear your hair ( slowly dwindling numbers) out and the nest they are soothing your tensions away with their funny ways.
One day i'm sure i'll soon be waving my hands off to my kids backs and then i'll look back on these days and think " what the heck, it wasn't so bad after all!! I wonder why I made such a big fuss about it? :( " I guess parenting can be trying.

Trying, on the brains and on the slowly tiring out souls. With one son in his blissful teenage years, blissful because he wants it to be that, and knows the mom is glaring at the phase, and the younger brat on his case to becoming the best disciple of brotherhood!! It can be fun if one looks at it that way...but however I look at it, it doesn't seem so. Am I looking at life lopsidedly I wonder!
I always thought mothers were a 'super market' with endless supply of questions, solutions, craft projects, supply store....but sadly its never enough.
The older boy is always in the "You dont know anything, Ma" phase, but keeps coming back to me and asking me for opinions...and when I do give one, feeling way too thrilled at being considered, there is a retort " You dont know anything" Oh yes, we never know anything enough, do we???

Most of the times the siblings are at war with each other...fist fights and sometimes the younger sends out those nasty kicks too ( a karate kid, he is) ...but when I try to pry them apart and put them into their respective rooms, it fails to maintain some semblence of order. The very
next second, they are in each others rooms again. I give up and rightly so! Let them fight their wars...
It started off with " Don't hit him, he's younger and can't understand", but the young brat picked up on that and now he's bullying the older teen :( Talk of understated ages and sibling issues.

Erma Bombeck had rightly said this about kids
"Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids." How right she is!!

But the back of my mind rebels and rightly points its finger in the direction of guilt if I were to let them get a earful.

It is tough I know, Because guilt is the only gift that keeps on giving! I have to still find a parent more specifically a mother who refuses her child something for his own good only to spend the rest of the day wallowing in guilt. But i'm so glad to say i've finally conquered the "give in to guilt" syndrome...and can now just feel horrid and terrible but carry on as if I was always right...I smile through the guilt and let it eat my insides but still try not to give in to those emotional blackmails kids are so technically masters of.

Do you know how many it takes to turn off the bathroom lights? Well 2 !
1 who says "Which light?"
and the other who retorts with " I didn't turn it on, so..... " and this coming from a kid who's a member of the 'Go Green club' in our apartment complex... lol!!! hrmmmpffff.

I wonder how mothers of 10 kids managed in the yester years or did the phase teenage years never exist???
I'm still trying to find the far end of the momma super market , where they find patience and tolerance in discounted form or better the "Buy one get one free" section.

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Just the simple feeling of being!!

Turning the very hyped 4 'O' recently, made me all excited...not for what the future held in store for me....nah!! I'm not such a bore...I loved the age factor, 'cos from now I could always find the scapegoat in my age :D
I could always turn around and say " I guess age is catching up, and thats why I keep forgetting " ignoring the fact that i've become so forgetful, because of factors other than age :(
But I am so glad that age has caught up and made me more appreciative ...I love my life as it is. I wouldnt want to change a single minute of my day. I like it as it is!! I like the uncertainity with which I face the day, not knowing whether my kids will eat the lunch packed for them...I like the excuses they make for each uneaten lunch. They are masters at creative thinking. How many of us can even think of such adorable reasons for that...poker faced, sometimes, guilt for making me feel bad...but most times, nothingness..I wouldnt want to change any of that...I know that when they grow older, they'll wipe out kitchen stocks before I can say 'EAT'!!
I like the fact that inspite of my age I can still multi task. Ignoring the sugar that went into the coffeemaker by mistake, and the tea leaves into the sambhar..ignore that would you..

I still love the energy I can conjure up at the sight of a child. Many ,makes my world more brighter.

My younger one turned 9 a couple of days back, and he brought with it a new meaning to friends and parties. I organised a small party for his friends of the complex. A very easy task it should have been for me who has organised birthdays for both kids over the last 13 years..It surely should have been easy. But this time it was different. I knew very few kids , because people have been moving in frequently and all I know are the faces but no names, and sometimes some names which doesnt have a face ...So I entrusted the task of making a list to my son himself...a very responsible task for him..so very meticulously he listed down the names ( i'd like to think that gene was passed down from me, i'm positive) I invited most of them and then set off to do my shopping, assuming it was all final..motherly instincts set in and told me to just buy those extra set of gifts ...and buy I did.
The party was to begin and the first set of kids walked in all dressed smartly...with all sweetness I bent down to ask them their names...the names they rattled off, sent my eyebrows into a knot...those names seemed new...I waited to speak to my son and find out if there were many like them...but I just let it be, I would deal with it later...When I sopke to him in the few seconds I caught up with him during the mad party, he just shrugged his shoulders so nonchalently " Yep I invited them while I was going for my karate classes" , so cute...i'm so glad he didnt choose to leave them behind, The party was so much fun...the excitement of the kids, the mess they
make, the smile they have when they are allowed all those liberties...I simply love the innocence with which they have fun...pure ,simple, and uncomplicated. All that they want is " their return gift" I wonder why we as adults can't seem to just enjoy things in such a simple way. NO fuss, just go out and have fun.

Smile and accept each day as it comes :)

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And how I smile!! :) :) :) :)

There was a time when 11 a.m would bring with it a sense of anticipation. The sound of the 'plonk' on tin, was very soothing. It was I should know. Those were the days when all that you needed to convey to the person living across miles was 'the snail mail'. The lovely handwritten sheets, the blue 'inland letter', the dull yellow post card. They were all there to witness smiles, tears, screeches as news let itself out or just the shy acknowledgement of sweet whispers of love from a loved one.Oh yes!! those were the days!! *sigh*

There were times when an urgent ( remember urgent meant 'emergency' ) message had to be sent, we had to trudge along ,amidst the pressing responsibilties just to stand in the crowded, dingy, dark stained walled post offices, only to send the limited edition messages. " mother arriving, 8 pm train", grandmother serious, please come immediately" ...They had charges for each word..so brevity meant saving those few coins ;) Telegrams were overshadowed by pagers and then the upmarket mobiles., but the fun was lost..no more calculations before trying out various ways to pen down your thoughts, into those miniscule spaces that the standard letters and postcards gave us.

It was fun though, when we would try to open the letter in a hurry and end up opening it at the wrong end, only to realise, that the letter was sliced into half :D...so it was a jigsaw puzzle after that.I used to write a lot of letters then, receive as many or many many more...I remember writing on trips to friends giving them a minute to minute updates, writing to my family when I would go away for weeks on NCC camps whining about the food, but raving about the time I was having. Though the fact that the letter would choose to finally reach its destination a week later was no setback, I would love to write. I guess that trait I imbibed frm my father who ,living in a different city because of work, would so lovingly write to each of us in our family a separate letter...no common letter for all of us to peep into..my brother was very young a kindergarten kid, but he would get one too...which we sisters would read out to him.

Nowadays I still try my best ( very poorly though) to keep in touch with the pen, paper and stamp routine...some of the stamps I used to have as backup( would buy one whole lot of 1 re stamps to avoid the walk up to the post office to buy them), are ready for archiving, its been that long. I do write a few bits here and there to family, those cards posted for birthdays, or new years...but they have never seen the inside of that solid looking, red coloured tin box on the street side. It goes straight onto the desk of the courier chap, and of it goes in its swanky settings to the destination...no more peeling of stamps in a hurry, no more trying to figure out where the card came from.

Times have changed, but some things do remain ; the excitement of seeing a card or letter handwritten, postage stamp stuck in the corner and the black half legible stamped seal on the cover...

I was the lucky one today...and that smile has been pasted and refuses to dissolve..

She said in her latest post, that Friendship can be found in unusual places. It sure does..I met her while browsing gingerly through my new found interest, the 'blogworld'..many posts and a few calls in between we did manage to meet too...was so thrilled to be part of her book launch session...Reading her posts, i'm caught shaking my head constantly, 'cos we are so alike as moms...and when she wrote this post many posts ago, I won her handwritten card prize :D....yes I was grinning then and I am grinning now....I am in receipt of her beautifully handmade card. My sons were so amazed to know that people send cards in such ways too ( they need to be educated on surprises too... ) and they were going " so sweet no ma!!, "awesome" "she made it herself", " why did she post it" " the little one had this to say " how did she send it from there???" and then I knew, I had made my own day...

Thanks Preethi, for the card, for the memories attached to it, for the sentiment that goes with it, and most importantly the friendship that tags along slowly behind it....
A HUGE THANK YOU!!!!

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An island of my own!

In our hectic, fast-paced, consumer-driven society, it's common to feel overwhelmed, isolated and alone. Many are re-discovering the healing and empowering role that community can bring to our lives. The sense of belonging we feel when we make the time to take an active role in our communities can give us a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. -- Robert Alan

The only way to make friends with time is to stay friends with people….

Community living is something I love. While growing up as kids, we used to live in apartment complexes, because our father worked in a place that gave him such accomodation. I had no complaints then.It gave me memories of a lifetime.
It taught me that it is:

Easy to make friends.

Families move in and out, so often, you get used to the packers and cartons much more easily than some others .
It taught me to smile even when I heard umpteen hammers banging through my wall. It meant, I would have new neighbours soon..
Dinners were special events during vacations...because we would get permission to go play after. And the fun in playing in the dark, was something we never thought was special then. Now when my kids wonder what to do, after they are exhausted with playing through the entire day, I remind them that they could go play later after dinner, and they oh! so love it.

We moved out , and into a colony culture. The emotional space around me was the same, except the houses were all horizontally aligned. We had more hiding places to look forward to. We got to become very skillful with street games. No matter how many vehicles ( those days, it was more of bicycles and scooters- the la vespa kinds) than 4 wheelers, so our 'lagori', I-spy, hopskotch, etc were all played around obstacles( stones, dirty roads, angry moms, watered down gutters during monsoons, and sometimes, those slithery crawlies called snakes too) Yes! we saw it all...We played games on the sit-outs, after dark, and sometimes had a dinner in a friends house, only because "R aunty's rasam was tastier than our dosas :(...
Life moved on, I got married, moved into my new family and also into a new environment. An independent house bang on the main road. I was in shock...I smiled at all and sundry, when I came out to put rangoli, but only got silent glares in return. I learnt to slowly behave like they wanted me to. No more running out to the next house , cos my rasam was very boring. I learnt to live through it, and learnt to make friends too...I didn't give up , you see..I made friends with the people who came to buy veggetables, the lady from the milk booth, I did it too... and it worked!
And then I wanted my kids to experience the same life I had, had...so we moved into apartments again.
I saw my sons thrive, they learnt to fight out their childhood arguments, withstood bullying, learnt to eat in a neighbours house, without feeling scared. and they actually loved it all
Now I have moved into my own house in an apartment complex. I was worried initially. I was used to a smaller community and this was huge. I had my apprehensions. Would I find my son, if he's hiding under a stairway, what if he gets stuck in the innumerable elevators. What if's became more than 'they can'. It worried me...I had those sleepless nights too...

Life slipped easily into a routine and before I realised it, there were nearly 200 and odd families who had moved in. We began to smile, bump into each others paths and doorways, much more easily. I found my kids easier than I had imagined...I just needed to holler out, and then someone would step out to help in the search..nowadays the search starts by itself...I have kids who give me a regular update about my sons whereabouts, and of course, i'm loving it.
The camarederie with which we all live together, the events we plan together, the laughter that resounds when one of us can't stop cackling, the gossip which returns , the rasam which still tatstes better in the neighbours house. I'm smiling through it all.

Today is ONAM a festival for Keralites. We have a very small number of malayalis in our complex, compared to the

hundreds of others. But when there are more heads that combine, it doesn't matter anymore. They got together to draw out their lovely pookolams, and of course invite us hungry souls for their yummy Sadhya....

I'm still smiling through it all. I know that life's not going to be boring anymore...it might be too packed and hectic, but it doesn't matter ...it helps me smile through all those stressed 'exam moments', bruised knees, frantic project sessions, endless cooking and tantrums galore. It helps me laugh it all away...it keeps me from "growing old inside"!!!!!

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Free, and unfettered

Does independence actually mean freedom from someone? Or does it mean you have the opportunity to break your shackles. Being fettered is just a mind game. It’s all in the mind. If you feel the world around you closing in, all you need is to let the window of your soul, and mind open…just watch and see how life, fresh ideas, lovely thoughts, beautiful smiles and laughter seeps in slowly, but surely.


Read this ( click on the coloured word to see the article) very nice article and thought I would share it with you all….I wonder if any of you would agree with her.

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She smiles like a twinkling star!!

Her eyes twinkled when she smiled. And smile she did so often it was contagious. She radiated a unique sense of energy to those who followed her.
When she laughed her laugh lines stretched so wide it reached the next beautiful smile. She was one with a million dreams, an endless heart, the hand that soothed several tired limbs and the one just wanted to be.

When her partner cried like a baby because she left him alone to go out and meet her friends for her daily round of gossip, she’d get upset. But naturally, it was her intense determination to let the world in on her world. She was so softspoken, one had to strain his ears to hear her. So childlike, her enthusiasm was so infectious.
Her motto in life was to “Live on, its not the end of the world”. As a couple she and her partner had raised kids to the dozens, children , grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. When he touched the babies, it was as if there an invisible protection bubble being created around the child. She insisted on visiting every new born in her family. Nothing would stop her from taking those quick, nimble steps to reach her destination.

Her hair combed so neatly , I wondered if she ever felt bored not to, any single day? Her hands always laden with glass bangles, ones she always insisted I slide it through her soft wrinkly hands. She was special, and she was beautiful for us through her lovely thoughts and her most generous nature.

On the day she celebrated staying together for 75 good years with her partner(75th wedding anniversary), who was nearing a century, she was shy. She blushed when we teased her. She recollected some real wonderful moments with all of us. …and some present there turned beet red!!

She was asked to talk about her extended family, and her life in a joint one. Her position as a wife, mother, grandparent, teacher, friend, guide and most importantly just being HER.. She was as excited as a little child with the candy , seeing herself on television, it made the whole family cherish that moment.
Most remember her for her lovely goodies she would cook up, some which she said couldn’t be made without the right amount of dedication and love. Pour it in, close your eyes, feel the fragrance wift through your nose, if it smells good to you, so will it taste for your people, she said. The aromas, still slowly slides through and settles on our senses…we still hold onto those moments.
Cherish it we will, because at 93 she was our only best…she was our GRANDMOTHER.

To my grandmother who passed on, to celebrate her life along with her husband 13 days ago….they’ll make merry with the angels, and I’m sure bring more smiles to those up there.

p.s (The baby in the above picture, in her lap is my firstborn.)

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