Thursday, May 30, 2013

The disaster of this moment is tomorrow's blessing :)

“You can't spend the rest of your life tiptoeing around to try and avert disaster. It won't work. You'll just end up missing the life you have.”
Kim Edwards,   

And I agree.

As a young girl, studying in college, living a life filled with dreams..I can imagine what life could have been, had I prepared myself for the worst. It won't happen, ever.
How much can one prepare for the future? It is a tough task.

We can dream..we can try to realise those dreams. But if we start living the day thinking of all the failures that can happen with those dreams, we can never achive anything. We lose the present moment, the joy of visualising what we want, the smiles and twinkle in the eyes. We worry ourselves silly with thoughts that are negative and then drive ourselves to despair and disapoointment.

Don't ever let your negative thoughts, turn your dreams into a disaster ever. Give them wings and let them fly. Reach for the will never know what you might find on the way. If not the stars, rest assured the journey to reach them, itself is made lovely.

So dream on, and turn every moment into one happy one..

This is my post for day 4- Disaster. as part of our blogger prompt week, for Marathon Bloggers

It's Monday ...but it is OK :)

DAY -3 Monday :)

So come Monday and the schools reopen and my life is going to be back to regular. I am so lookin gforward to it. Some call me crazy. Yes I am. There should be someone in this space who will like to swim against the tide and that is ME :)

When the whole world groans and moans about a weekend getting over and the Monday looming in the horizon, I get all excited.I like weekends. I am not complaining. There is a small bit of peace when you dont need to follow a rigid timetable. But the high I get from a day that is packed with energy and work, is not to be compared. After my sons started going to school, I started loving Mondays all the more. The routine, the hectic pace with which the day moves and the certainity of a pattern...that's something I thrive on. I'd rather go to bed exhausted, bone weary and hallucinating than spending a day lazing around.

Being a stay at home mom of two boys, a teen and pre teen, makes me crave for some me time. I and I get it, when i'm nose deep in my work at home on weekdays. Not for me are the lazy weekends, where there is no saying if breakfast gets eaten at lunch time or eaten at all. :(
So mad rush for the week, waking up early mornings..savouring the beautiful silence of that part of the day..the silence of the mind that gives me the chance to collect my thoughts and dreams. It has always been a favourite part of my day. and with lots of honesty I can say...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Crave...thirst and goals

To fill up the senses
to quench the craving
the need to fulfill

Isn't that what we seek
To flourish
to succeed

To always be happy
To see the smile
Of belonging

The thirst for love
For health, for money
and for all that it means

Isnt it simple
A task born out of thirst
and need

So where then
Is the end,
the end to all the need

Where thirst ends
Your goal diminishes
and the horizon blurs

So keep at it
Cherish the need
and savour the fruits

That thirst brings

Sunday, May 12, 2013

As weird as we can get!

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
Debra Ginsberg

Last night my teenage son announced that he was going out for dinner with his friends. I had just come away from my kitchen, after making the rotis, that he loved so much, and the dal, the younger sunny boy loved. There was peas pullav too, if he wanted rice, which invariably he would want if I hadn't made it. I had just settled down feeling smug, that I had just about managed to understand my boy and today I had succeeded. And then his 'matter of fact' announcement happened. My heart was angry. I did the first thing i'm sure any mom would do, I asked him 'WHY'. His answer was simple and just that. He wanted to go out and eat with his friends and there was nothing else to it. 

We mothers are weird like my boys say. I want them to be independent, I want them to have friends, because, these are going to be their lifelines when they grow older. The boys see us, surrounded by friends. I have a treasure trove of them and want the same for my boys too. That's a small thing to want. But then, why did I react the way I did? Because I convince myself that i'm just normal.
Took me back to my childhood when we would sulk, when the dish made for dinner was not to our 'exciting' standards. (The same food is my comfort food now). We would walk across to my neighbour's house and eat what she had cooked. It didn't hurt then. It hurts now. Now when I think of what we put our moms through. We are our mother's daughters. 

I see the same rebellious spark in both my sons. I see the same emotions and the same 'groan'. They are my sons after all. At times, I am the paranoid parent. I can imagine all sorts of nonsense that can happen in their lives if i'm not around. I feel I am a superwoman who can prevent them if i'm around. I have my friends who hold me back. Who tell me to let go. I am learning. It hurts. It slowly dries up the tears that flow inside. And one day I see my boy standing tall, confident, happier and with that spark still in his eyes. I know I did the right thing.

Teenagers can be difficult. For themselves and for their parents. But inside they are just small lil boys waiting to be hugged and told that we still love them. 
My mother was not an expressive lady, like most of them of that generation. She loved us nevertheless, in her own way and we knew it. In every single movement of hers. Each time I stand at the door to say a 'bye' to my older son as he steps out for his college, I know i'm carrying on a tradition that my mother followed, which then didn't mean much, but its in my bank of memories that I love. I know my son loves it too. And i'm hoping that one day both the boys will turn back and think of their childhood with as much love as I do. 
My mother saw me through and i'm forever thankful. 

I am 'the weird, crazy' mom to my 17 and 12 year old boys. I get angry and scream and sulk. I hug them and smother them with love too. But I let go too. I see them grow and I am proud of what they are.

I am a mother. These 2 boys gave me that right. And i'm forever thankful too.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO EVERY MOTHER. And continue to be weird, that is our exclusive right :)