And she will fill her world with colour..

"Daughters are like flowers they fill the world with" .......



She had always wanted a daughter...they seemed special to her. Their eyes always pleading to love them. And all the time while she was studying, she would baby sit friends and aunts daughters. There was an inner peace.
She prayed she would have daughters when her belly grew with the life inside and the angry kicking.
She went to sleep knowing,those restless feet that pushed through her swollen belly belonged to a baby boy, who'd fill his mother's life with joy n absolute chaos. Twice she had hoped. But there were plans being made above..girls in her life would hug, kiss and implore. And then one day walk away into the arms of their man who would love them just as much.
But she was blessed.. She would have not one but two wonderful girls, walking into her life, in the arms of the boys she had borne. Them she would watch, while they cared and loved and brought that twinkle in her boys' eyes.
Yes. She had always wanted a daughter. And she will get one

This post is written for the Marathon bloggers December session. Tuesday themed and how... 

#MB2013 

The disaster of this moment is tomorrow's blessing :)

“You can't spend the rest of your life tiptoeing around to try and avert disaster. It won't work. You'll just end up missing the life you have.”
― Kim Edwards,   

And I agree.

As a young girl, studying in college, living a life filled with dreams..I can imagine what life could have been, had I prepared myself for the worst. It won't happen, ever.
How much can one prepare for the future? It is a tough task.

We can dream..we can try to realise those dreams. But if we start living the day thinking of all the failures that can happen with those dreams, we can never achive anything. We lose the present moment, the joy of visualising what we want, the smiles and twinkle in the eyes. We worry ourselves silly with thoughts that are negative and then drive ourselves to despair and disapoointment.

Don't ever let your negative thoughts, turn your dreams into a disaster ever. Give them wings and let them fly. Reach for the stars..you will never know what you might find on the way. If not the stars, rest assured the journey to reach them, itself is made lovely.

So dream on, and turn every moment into one happy one..

This is my post for day 4- Disaster. as part of our blogger prompt week, for Marathon Bloggers

It's Monday ...but it is OK :)

DAY -3 Monday :)

So come Monday and the schools reopen and my life is going to be back to regular. I am so lookin gforward to it. Some call me crazy. Yes I am. There should be someone in this space who will like to swim against the tide and that is ME :)







When the whole world groans and moans about a weekend getting over and the Monday looming in the horizon, I get all excited.I like weekends. I am not complaining. There is a small bit of peace when you dont need to follow a rigid timetable. But the high I get from a day that is packed with energy and work, is not to be compared. After my sons started going to school, I started loving Mondays all the more. The routine, the hectic pace with which the day moves and the certainity of a pattern...that's something I thrive on. I'd rather go to bed exhausted, bone weary and hallucinating than spending a day lazing around.

Being a stay at home mom of two boys, a teen and pre teen, makes me crave for some me time. I and I get it, when i'm nose deep in my work at home on weekdays. Not for me are the lazy weekends, where there is no saying if breakfast gets eaten at lunch time or eaten at all. :(
So mad rush for the week, waking up early mornings..savouring the beautiful silence of that part of the day..the silence of the mind that gives me the chance to collect my thoughts and dreams. It has always been a favourite part of my day. and with lots of honesty I can say...
I LOVE MONDAYS :))

Crave...thirst and goals

To fill up the senses
to quench the craving
the need to fulfill

Isn't that what we seek
To flourish
to succeed

To always be happy
To see the smile
Of belonging

The thirst for love
For health, for money
and for all that it means

Isnt it simple
A task born out of thirst
and need

So where then
Is the end,
the end to all the need

Where thirst ends
Your goal diminishes
and the horizon blurs

So keep at it
Cherish the need
and savour the fruits

That thirst brings

HO! HO! HO!

Growing up in a convent school, has its many many hours of fun and nostalgia.

 

Christmas season was the best of all. There would be plays, complete with songs, some students playing the piano, the guitar and lots of singing in that choir'ish voice.
There was that spirit of joy, the smiles that spread wide and so much cheer.

I remember going to the chapel (our school had a beautiful campus, with so much of green.) The chapel would be decorated so colourfully. The green of the christmas trees, the pine plants, the red streamers, ribbons, glitter and white of the cottonwool too. Nothing expensive but beautiful nevertheless.

The hours we'd spend making the nativity scene, using brown wrappng paper, colors and crushing them to look like a cave. Who would have thought that this festival was a celebration for Christians bringing in the birth of Jesus. We grew up with faith instiled in us. We grew up with belief. We knew the truth about Santa..but yet rejoiced and were so thrilled to see a Santa coming along with a huge red bag filled with candies and gifts) There would be a day where less fortunate ones woul dbe invited for lunch and would be given gifts too. It broadened our views on giving.

The tradition has carried on with my children too. They have their Christmas parties while in smaller classes and as they grew older they got involved with the lunches for the old age home the school organised. Each year, they come back with a small goodie bag with a fruit cake and some cookies. Its nostalgic.
I wouldn't have a Christmas in any other way. I still look forward to the day with the same enthusiasm. The gifts and cheer is contagious.

But times have changed now I see. The belief is diluted. When my son was in kindergarten, the Santa for their school party was but naturally the plump little teacher who was built tall. My son had come back home that day with a frown on his face, which i've never been able to change so far. " The santa in our school is a girl" he'd come back all forlorn..and i'd smiled and asked how can he say that? And he'd said "I saw the earrings and it IS Gina ma'ms."

Last year we had organised a Christmas party in our Apartment Complex, and to our horror, the Sanat turned out to be a scrawny, small built young boy, who went around pinching the kids. Where has the joy gone? I 'd felt like asking him, but then I realised, he has not been to a school and might never have seen a Santa at all..so how would he know?

8 years have passed and now he knows there is no real Santa..but i'm glad he's as mad as his mom..and still smiles wide when he sees a Santa Claus going past.
So now I get to baking an Oreo Brownie, a recipe that has been eyeing me from the time it was posted on Saffron Trails blog. I shall make some mulled wine too, thanks to bloggers who are helpful enough to put up the 'How to'

MERRY CHRISTMAS FOLKS' AND LIVE IN GOOD CHEER. BE JOYOUS, BE HAPPY AND KEEP THAT SMILE ALL AROUND, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SANTA'S GONNA COME VISITING.


My 25th post a celbratory one for this festive season and for the Marathon Bloggers

The Tiger Comes to Town!!!

"IS HYDERABAD NAMED AFTER HYDER?"- asked a little girl while she was waiting for her snack in the intermission.
Standing right behind them, I couldn't just not overhear. It made me smile. Children are such inquisitive beings, and these are opportunities for parents to give them information that they could hold on for years later. It will be attached with memories they will connect with visuals, experience and that one night they had gone out with their parent.

It was a scene straight out of my evening. When I agreed to go to the play 'TIGER, TIGER' by the Bangalore Little Theatre,  that my friend had sent an invite to, little did I know, what to expect. I just wanted to watch a play, and this was a great opportunity for me, because it fit very well in my scheme if things, it being a Sunday too. While I was trying to think up a blog post for the day, I remembered the play and made my calls and plans were made. But there was a small hitch. I didn't have company. My kids glared at me, like I was the tiger itself. I had to watch this play at all costs, I told myself. And then I agreed to go along. Just said, 'keep my pass, i'm coming'. And when he asked me if I was going alone? I smiled and thought of my bucket list.. And said, of course, Yes.

The evening was ethereal. I have lived in Bangalore for donkey's years now. But I have never ever visited the Bangalore fort. Shameful yes. I agree.

So when I did through the main gate, I was having a quizzical expression. This? So beautiful? Wow!..Yes The Fort is all that and more. The event "THE TIGER COMES TO TOWN" was a 2 day affair, 'A public history project organised by the Centre for public History in collaboration with the Archaeological Survey of India'.








The play set against the backdrop of the fort, under the starlit sky made it all the more divine. For that piece of history many have forgotten, this was a wonderful journey through Hyder Ali and Tipu Sultan's eyes. The entire production left me awed and wishing I could have done the previous day's Shadow walk, the History trail with Arun Pai. It was so beautiful. The whole evening was so well organised and so sleek. I am so glad I went.

The play itself was brilliant. The actors be it small or big, were so flawless and so at ease with their role.



And there was another achievement  :)

I got to score out one of my lists from the bucket list i'd just made...yippeee..I went all alone, left my kids behind, watched the whole play with no guilt, in fact I enjoyed it so so much. And came back a very happy woman. so yay! to me!!

My 24th day post for Marathon Bloggers..

A kiss that cannot be forgotten!!!

Its not everyday you get to live a life that you've dreamt of.

Its not everyday, you have your past coming back to make you smile

Its not everyday you look back on the years gone by and realise a 'sigh' has escaped your lips, just because, you still wonder 'How it could have been?'

Yes..Its not everyday that all these thoughts go past your mind, and it leaves you searching, clinging to those few moments that have been made into memories. That's exactly what the protagonist in the story "The secret wish list" by Preethi Shenoy goes through.

A humble story, the lines which make you stop and ponder. Because i'm so sure, every woman however happy she is today, will always have that one fleeting thought, that goes ' Thats one thing I wish I had done before I got married'
The book does not justify any actions, morales or any kind of upbringing. Its clean, neat, crisp and just plain simple. For people who understand (which is not very difficult) the needs of the woman Diksha, they would also feel the pains of Vibha (her cousin), Tanu ( a school friend-every child would have had).

There is an ease with which Preethi has made Diksha's thoughts flow, that even for a person who houses conservative thoughts about life, will think twice before judging her.
There is a bit of Diksha in everyone's life, and there is always that little bit of longing in a girls heart. This is put through so beautifully, that you just want to know what happens next, and before you know it, you are nearly building up her life for her.

I loved reading her book, and of course, I do have a secret wish list too. But I just could not put this one down, because of course, I wanted to know what the two lines at the back of the book that says -

"Does true love really exist?
Can a kiss change your life? "

actually mean. And find out I did, and wow!! It was so worth buying this book. A fast paced and exciting story, one would not want to put down in a hurry.


This is my day 23 post for marathon bloggers

I WILL :)

At Marathon Bloggers, we are one mad bunch. No doubts about it.

This week at the beginning, as decided we all thought we would list out our 'Bucket lists'. Call it paranoia? The Doomsday conspiracy? Or Just plain coincidence. Well Bucket List it is.

 

 

I said, I'd already done this a while ago..so maybe I should go check out what i've done and never gotten to even looking...well!!...I've spent half my morning trying to search my posts, but the post itself seems to have taken a walk into the sunset..

So I shall set out to make a new one..As we grow older we are entitled to change them, according to the needs, the demands, the technology and of course the MEMORY :P

I have never thought of it as a list to be ticked off before I die..NAH!! I don't ever think such negative stuff..its ecah day at a time please!!!
But these are a few I would love to have achieved sooner..

1.Climb the Mt Everest.

Its such a task that i've set myself out to do, that I still wonder..but i'm not giving up. The Himalayas, are my muchly loved mountains..that i've asked my ashes to be sprinkled from the top..that they happily dance down to the steep slopes. On one trip to Gangtok, my cellphone managed to wriggle away from me, and slid down to the steeps. I was happy strangely that it had got its final resting place..ya ya..I know, its weird, but I was envious too.

2. Kalaripayattu. This is one form of dance that i've always and will always want to learn. Yes, I know its an easy task. But being such a skillful procrastinator, i've never gotten around to doing it. So jump up in the air, and with flying kicks and graceful movements, Kalaripayattu it shall be..

3. Travel alone with just my girlfriends for company. This was the beginning to travelling alone. For those who do it regularly, they might never understand. But marraige tied me down, emotionally, physically and mentally. NO one restricted me, but I always made excuses. So a few months back, when a couple of my friends decided to travel without our families, I just went ahead. We were 4 of us, travelling to Bangkok, much to the amusement of the husbands, who just not fathom why 'Bangkok' But it was more about easy planning, shorter duration and most of our husbands had already visited theplace before, so we could go on without feeling guilty.. ( If such a word ever exists..sigh!!)

We had  a fun a 4 days. Of course we had those hundreds of calls, asking us for misplaced clothes, missing belts, maggie noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But I have to tell you..I actually shut my mind off while I was there.

4 I want to travel, travel and travel more. I want to see places, like the south pole, I want to go Machu Pichu, I want to stand in front of the dead sea and just look. I want to go to Brazil for their Carnival. I want to trek the Amazon Rainforest and I
want to see all the continents.


5. I want to be able to say 'NO', convincingly and without leaving me in a mess of guilt and agony. I've started the process, but I havent yet mastered it. My sister can't believe I find it such a task.




6. I want to hold a party at home, where I don't cook a single dish, just order in, have a mad time, and go to sleep without, cleaning up the mess. (Yes, i'm obsessed. Even if I were nearly drunk, I clean up the place, rinse out all the glasses, stack up the crockery neatly, and keep the bottles in one place, and make the place presentable for the MAID when she comes in, in the morning. )

7. BIKINI. Its one thing to go and buy it and another to wear it. I want to step out wearing my bikini, on a beach, and have a good time, without feeling conscious about what people think about my body. So on my trip to Bangkok, I picked up not one but 3 pairs ..and now to tick off this wish soon..

8. The other day I was talking to a friend, who was telling me about a music concert, that he was attending. I love music and dance, art in any form. I would love to attend a concert, but i've most times missed going to my favourite artits performances, just because I didn't have company. This is one thing i'd like to do, Go to a concert, alone if I didnt find anyone to come along ...

9. I want to bungee jump in Australia, where you go down and dunk your head into the water. I've heard and seen such lovely visuals about that place, that i've always wanted to try. I'm scared. Let me add. I'm a very adventurous kind. I've gone mountaineering in the Himalayas, done deep see diving, swam in the Indian Ocean with no land in sight for miles around, but I feel I haven't done enough. So there..more adventure and more excitement for me.

10. I want to meet (i've met him before as a 12 year old, but Now when i'm older and know what I want) Amitabh Bachchan and give him a nice big hug. Just sit in front of him while he talks..I can die just listening to him talk.

Ok so there goes my 'Bucket List' and i'm positive i'll be scoring them off sooner.

Shhhh!! Who is it?

'Christmas is a season to be jolly'- I have been told this right from when I was in school. I studied in a convent, replete with nuns, who we always admired. For their politeness, their sweet nature and also made them the butt of our jokes. All those who have studied in such an environment will know what i'm saying.

Its fun, watching the festive joy that everyone partakes, regardless of their religion. Its beautiful to watch. I have only lovely memories of this season. And the last couple of days watching my 12 year old getting all excited about these festivities, I know i'm not wrong.

So, I missed being part of the 'secret santa' on the Bengaluru circuit. I was sad. This would have been my first time and it would have been fun. But of course, Bengaluru Santa, has promised me the top post in the next one. And again as luck would have it..I missed seeing the post on 'Marathon bloggers' (thanks to checking FB through my phone). And by the time I saw it, it was too late :(..Yet again...Now when I read all the posts, I so want to join.

The sonny boy though hasn't been out of the circuit. The kids in the building have formed ther own secret santa group an dare playing with such gesto, that it is infectious. The little hints they pass across, the small gifts they leave for their Santee..awww!!! I know, it is too cute.

 

 

 

To make up for missing this big event on our marathon bloggers, I decide I will write about it..lol!!! And i'm so tempted to join in and guess the Santa for everyone..But my 21st post it shall remain..

Huh!!!!!

It's been 3 hours, since i've sat in front of the screen..and not a single word, has been penned down. I'm blank. I have a lot of topics, to write about. If I had to make a list it could become a post by itself ..But

What do I write about those ?

I'm what one would say...completely mindf*&%..

You know that feeling where, you're sad but don't know the reason why?

You want to do something, but don't have the energy to do it, only because, you haven't got the motivation. You want something, but don't know what? There are many here who are going through this. Too many incidents over the last few days, has finally overpowered our thought process.

In all this gamut of emotions..there is just that one person who can make you smile. That one friend who can say some really mundane stuff and make you laugh. Its uncanny how each time, we always find that dear person. He/she could be your neighbour, your sibling, your school friend or even maybe an online friend who you've never met before.

Some moments just create that comfort zone and you feel much better after that conversation. Some conversations, even if it is with a stranger, leaves you with that smile, a strange kind of an emotion.
I'm sure each one of us here have gone through those emotions. You don't know how or why? But that smile is back.

And just when I was writing this out, one of my neighbours (a weird one at that) on his morning walk, with his headphones plugged into his ears, just walked past my window, and all I could hear was "aa...ooo...pungi...." Some people really give you the laughs...This is the song..

Have any of you been through such?

Marathon Blogging has been such a high..and low, but this is how we all do it..hop one over and take this journey.

The smiles that never reached Santa

 

 

Each morning as a parent readies the child for the day at school, one just dreams of happy smiles, smudgy hands, stained clothes and chirpy faces to get back to them every day. Its the beauty in the vision.

And i'm sure every parent of the 26 little children were no different. There were dreams of tooth fairies, Santa climbing down the chimney, waiting to fill their Socks with gifts. Each child dreams..and every parent nourishes them.

Little did they know the horror that awaited them that morning.

I went into denial..I just couldn't get myself to watch the horror unfold. I just followed textual information. The images would haunt me. But it will forever haunt me. My heart goes out to all those families and friends who lost their loved ones, that day. I feel helpless and inadequate when I read such news. But I shall pray for them.

Adam Lanza's mother had no idea that she was seeing the son off with such rage and intentions. No mother does.

We know that no amount of words, prayers , service or gifts can take away the pain that they go through. But we as bloggers would like to reach out to them in our thoughts and in our prayers.

There are a lot of what could have happened, and what needs to be done. I know at some point of time, there should be a solution to such madness.

As a blogger, I would like to collectively participate in observing a moment of silence for the innocent victims.

“Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.”
― W.B. Yeats, The Collected Poems

Day 18 post for 'Marathon bloggers'

Age is a matter of the mind!!

Milan Kundera - "Perhaps we become aware of our age only at exceptional moments and most of the time we are ageless."

A few months ago, a friend of mine was so excited that his FB status everyday updated to the anticipation to the weekend of music. It was the NH7 Weekender. The line up of artists were so varied and such amazing artists, he said. I was so happy, and then slowly I googled and tried to see if it was going to happen in my city, so that I could do something about it. All hopes dashed down with a bun :(

A few days later though I came to know that my city was finally added as one of the venues too. And so began my planning in the head. Finally when it all fell into place..I started thinking of what to wear and stuff. Its been ages since I went to one show like this.I did go to the Enrique and other shows..but weren't they all 'my time types of music'?? OK now before you jumpt to conclusion I must tell you that having a teen at home does expose me to head banging kind of music, the trancewala,(the one'd happily die listening to), the types, that would instantly put me into a rigor mortis pose..When the 12 year old sings on the top of his voice in the care "Where have you been all my life ..aa aa aa.."..I do wonder about the lyrics too :( Im not a prude, but I still have to get used to them singing such stuff and enjoying it too, right down to the Gangnam style...(PS..He even has made me dance to that song..and it was fun, inspite of me looking like a fool)

 I was much younger then and shows were part of our growing up. But now, the story begins and ends with my boys.
I had a traditional event I was to attend for lunch that day, and so when my sister called to say they would leave in an hours time, I was all stressed. Not that I wouldnt be able to make it..I could have easily asked her to pick me up on the way, but I was all tensed..How, how can I go dressed in a salwar kameez, of all the things to a show that had heavy metal, rock, pop, and stuff...oh oh!!!? Crisis..

 And then when my sister and I got talking, we realised, that we were overthinking because, we knew this place would be filled with all teens and college kids..and 'Are we going to look like aunties'..

So I was not the only one thinking that way..but I did go, and to my surprise, the band line up was so brilliant, forgot about who was what, and where they went.. It was so lovely though to see young kids, enjoying themselves listening to music that was so not their genre..and I came back all content and at peace with myself.
Music is a healer, to our conscience, to our moods, to our self inhibitions. Let go and be there..and no one can come in the way of your joy.

My day 17th post for 'Marathon Bloggers'

And she had done it again....

I ran. Fast. Out of breath. Lungs bursting. Legs hitting the earth. I thudded up the path, around the corner, right up the stairs and reached the door. I flung it open and .......

Was hit by fumes of smoke. The disgusting smell, the room all enveloped with grey clouds of stink..I stood there resigned, and watched, as my boys ran in behind me.

An hour earlier, the group of boys, along with my son, had jumped around at the thought of coming to our house after their cricket practices. It was the perfect weather, and they wanted a break from the strenuous evening.
It was a perfect day for a swim. So rushing in, throwing their clothes around , changing, they started bundling out of the door.

They had to be fed milk and some snacks, so I was in the kitched getting things ready...I was planning their dinner with a smile. These were boys, with a good apetite, and they so loved coming home. They had their favourite kati rolls, and pizza food joint right opposite my house. Thats when I heard the door open, and one of them saying a "Come fast, i'm going down.."

I ran out to look, and saw all of them rushing down and none had their towels. I quickly ran into their room, took all their towels, and ran after them. There needed an adult to be around because the children were all under 12 and needed supervision. While I sat there and watched them swimming, enjoying themselves, caught up with my neighbours, and chatted all along. The friend was talking of making sweets because she had guests, and that she was planning to make kheer and she had to step out to buy some milk. And I bolted, said a quick "I'll have to go", and ran. The boys seeing me, also had gotten out of the pool. It was an hour anyway. And ran after the mad aunty, who was running up the stairs..not even waiting for the elevator.

And then I had opened the door...to find the house filled with smoke..rushed into the kitchen..and switched off the gas. Looked down woefully at the pan on the stove. All blackened and pieces of ash and black soot flying over. Forget the milk, I wondered if there was anything left of the pan too..Sigh!! I had done it again..forgotten the milk on the stove but this time..it was all charred and winking at me from nowhere..


This post was written as the response to the 'Saturday's theme' and day 15th post of ' MARATHON BLOGGERS'

When TIME teaches you things!!!

That fleeting moment
The spark that fires
A glance that speaks desire
Oh! mind,oh! reckless mind

It was that time of the day when Naina, sat down to answer her mails. It was her space, her moment in time. She loved to drink her tea, and dwell on her thoughts. Time always stood for moment and let her thoughts pass.
In a few hours, the rosy tinge of the sky would slowly creep into the room, and dye her curtains pink..the translucence, would let the branches of the frangipani outside cast its branches on the wall, making them dance to the music of the dawn. It was now,that she always cherished. The silence, and her aloneness. Never was she more at peace. She and her thoughts.

She had decisions to be made, the day to be scheduled, the needs of her family to be sorted out. The day was going to be routine, and she loved the regularity of the routine. The rigidity of the schedules gave her the freedom to arrange her thoughts. It wavered just like any normal woman's would. Should she, she wondered? Is it right? Am I doing the right thing, by holding on?!! What if? Why not? It was getting more complicated to simplify the memories of the past.

Trust that was broken, lies that had been uttered. Only went on to leave deeper scars. Time would heal, they had said. Not really..it just went in deeper, and filled with more pain. She thought back to those dreams, the ones that had been woven, inside her happy mind. They had spread its wings and kept reaching out..but alas!! always to be clipped, before the bud flowered and bloomed. She had now to just live the day as it came..no more would she dream, no more wings to be clipped. Safer she thought...carry on, and keep them happy. It is their smiles, through which she had lived her life...

She got up and drew the curtains wide...letting in the rays of the sun, bringing in the mystery of the day. She loved it, she knew, it would help her smile. Today was the day she would live for..let tomorrow arrive with its own uncertainities..its today and now..so let me smile..and off she went, to face the day's lovely trials..

I have to, have to put in this video of my most favourite song. For its lyrics, the dance, and the emotions it brings..

This was written in response to a prompt called 'Time'

This is also my 14th day post for the 'Marathon Bloggers'...