What do you do, when you feel crawlies all over you???
Well I for one, havent done anything...I know it wont work, cos some other bigger crawlie will creep over you, making you feel like a complete idiot.
Ranting I am, yes!!! reasons are so many...but I dont want to get into the mode of whining all the time..( looks like i've done enough, and not many would want to hear that all the time :( )
All these years, (yes, I've had quite a few adding up on the abacus!) I thought I had some sense, common or rare, it didn't matter. It was there and I walked around head held high, nose down though...I had thought if you wanted something really bad...it would just come to you, you only had to work hard. It had been working pretty well till a few years ago...when suddenly the dream machine that dished out solution to sens(ers) like me, went kaput!!!!
More than a decade old of parenting , put me under a false sense of security that if people around me say "You have such a wonderful son, he's so endearing" means that he is one and I needn't think much. I had done a great job. But my balloon blew out of proportion...and yes, its on the verge of bursting!!!
My son, who's so into cricket and his sports and stuff...has all things going for him. He's a good student, gets good grades. A mom, who is there all the time for him...trying her best to juggle an overly active younger son, endless activities all in one...and getting him to live his dreams un-hurdled (is there a word like that?? )
When his coach told me this one day " He's such a lovely boy, something about him touches me...so hardworking and caring" I looked around ...surely he wasn't talking to me. But he was. That got me thinking....where was I going wrong then??
Why does he get so aggressive when he's with me? I know he's entering the teens next year, but is it so bad? I'm more like a villain in his life. And when you're at the receiving end it sure doesn't look too entertaining, like in the movies...It hurts like hell, knowing that you have not succeeded in making your own happy.
Where do I draw a line between taking care of both with equal ernest and being unfair to either?
The lines blur, cos there isn't one. Any parent who has more than one child knows there are no favourites...they are like 'your eyes', no one is better than the other.
It gets exhausting searching in all directions for answers. Hopefully the answers will fall into my lap like a pack of cards....one after the other...
All I want is to be a good mom, supermom I needn't be..but someone who will not have to think twice before she talks to her son or does something for him..unfettered and fearless.