Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Trespassing?


"He can't just come and look through my things in my cupboard, Ma! " My son said.
It sounded so insignificant at that time, but I knew how it would feel.
How it feels to have someone go through your things without your permission.

It feels creepy, and haunted.
Privacy can be such a guarded emotion, that you feel so sick, if someone were to disrespect that. Sometimes, there is a need to, keep things to yourself, incidents to yourself, and more still, your space to yourself. And if anyone, were to sift through, and perused the details as if it were on display, you would feel, disgusted.

Does it give the right for anyone to just do whatever they feel is right, just because they think so, or they feel it is their right to do so? Isn't it tresspassing over someone's space and then coming back to say sorry, as if they didn't want to or mean to do it. When it is known that the other person has his private space and moments and needs, is it the right of anyone to just walk in and act as if they can take over? Can a personal space be encroached for one's own pleasure and reasons?

Being a mother, I know even at this age, I need to give my son his space and I do. And when he says I dont want to say anything now, I give him the right to remain quiet and then talk to me when he needs to.
But why do some people act as if they own the air around them and walk around probing into everyone's lives??

It can be sick and equally creepy.

21 comments:

Solitaire said...

I must say that your son is lucky to have a mom like you. I remember that I had no privacy whatsoever when growing up in India. Doors were not allowed to be shut and if they were, my mom would constantly demand to know what I was doing and why I had my door shut. Letters and cards would be conveniently opened. Phone calls would be monitored. Sometimes it felt more than just a protective instinct, especially when I was not a bad kid at all, not in any angle.

J said...

Oh the nosey ones. Yep in this already crowded planet, the last thing left is the invasion of privacy.

Keshi said...

I hardly had any privacy when I was a kid..but it wasnt too bad either.

Ur a great mum..a thoughtful and sensible one.

HUGS!

Keshi.

Prats said...

@solitaire. Hey, thanks for that pep up. Considering that now during the exam season, i'm always the bad momma...these small things make me feel good.
But yes, you're right about the closed door policy. Its always about trust.
Once its broken, its hard to feel the same. And its always not about bad or good....

@J you said it so right, J. When all you're striving for is your space, it really hurts when its been stepped on as if it were a footmat.

@kesh. Hugs to u too...thanks ..
AS I was growing up it was about being friendly with our parents to an extent of developing trust. It was mutual. But i've been through both types, and it hurts when your space is invaded.

vEENs said...

Ahh well! Seriously I have no idea whatsoever y in the whole world anyone wanna put their noses..where they dnt belong.

Some people are like that; I think we can buy a lock for a few things.. for other things... dnt know!

vEENs said...

And yeah u r a great mom :)

if i were in yur place i wud feel offended maybe when asked for space.. maybe!

but i know i wanna be a mom like u.. in the future! adorable :)

Thinking aloud said...

privacy...i hate it when someone invades my space...and i make sure i respect other's wishes too

this sure is a touchy issue, tho...'cos not many understand this need for space:(

Rambler said...

I was just discussing today morning about how its very important for kids to share a room till a certain age..I mean sharing is as important to learn, as it is to learn to be independant and private

--xh-- said...

prats, there r lot of points i gotta learn from u b4 i become a dad :-)
private space is of paramount importance in any relationship. i nevr had much privacy invation problems, but yeah - i too hv wished to get more privacy.

in any relationship - be it friedship, love or marriage- one should never encroh the private spac eof other. rummaging through cupboard, going through handbag/purse, sneaking into e-mail accounts r strict no-no.

i get very uncomfy when someone comes to my private personal space, and i alwys make it a point to gave it to otehrs....

u r the gem of a momma :-)

Joy said...

You are a great mom. I need my space and I do feel miserable when it is invaded. Lot of times, the invader is not even aware of it.

keith hillman said...

Many years ago I read someones diary. I didn't like what I read and I've felt guilty ever since. Guess that is the ultimate private place

Ps said...

Yes--privacy is so so so important--have no idea how some people just dont get it.

b said...

This was so interesting. I was taken back to the time when my husband was a high school principal. We were living in a time of bomb threats and drug sales at school. He was always treading the line between keeping children safe and invading their privacy.

Interestingly enough I was a ranter like you...falling on the side of the children. Poor man!

b

c e e d y said...

Well you are like my parents - never questioned what I did....just taught me an important lesson - you finally are going to bear the brunt of all your actions - we will be around for a shoulder - but its your conscience thats going to hurt....it has helped a lot...

also i have found that some people like you to be nosy - people who are insecure those who lack self confidence - if you dont poke your nose in their business they feel left out and disstressed (just my lill experiance)

Prats said...

@veens Actually, i feel many times people are unaware that they are prying, but if its being done with a purpose of snooping then it can be bad.
I'm sure you'll be a good mom one day...

@TA so true. Its never understood in the right sense most times..hopefully one day they will.


@rambler. Thats so true. Sharing does bring about the feeling of 'my space' without being intrusive. My sis and I shared a room, but there was a line we drew when it came to privacy.

Prats said...

@xh gee thanks....
Its so right that one would want their own space..be it personal or privacy in their homes or work. It is more about respect for that. Many people think that if you're in a relationship, the rest comes along with it, and they take it for granted...which is where it can cause a lil unease...



@joy. Yes, many times the others are unaware, cos they don't think its wrong....

@keith I hope that feeling has died down now, cos you knew it was wrong. But when one pries with some intention then it can never be gotten over with.

Prats said...

@ps. You hit the nail in the right place....some people never get that right at all....what they think is right for them, is in fact intrusion of another's space...

@b that must have been tough times, knowing how scary the situation and also the responsibility can get. I'm sure your husband must have known what his role was....and yes, i'm sure you would have been his support too

@ceedy. My parents were like that too....we grew up knowing , we had them around all times, and there was no need to hide, in spite of them being a bit on teh conservative side. We could keep things to ourselves and speak to them when we were comfortable about it..but its so uncanny that as a mom, she would always know how something would be on our mind, even before we opened up....
I hope I turn out right for my kids that way...most times, its a struggle

Ziah said...

I think its awesome that you are conscious of the kids' space. :) Often parents don't know where to draw the line between "necessary" intervention (to fix a serious problem) and a plain simple control issue. Kids from such homes do grow up with a fractured psyche or turn out to be plain mean rebels. :)

Keshi said...

yes it sure does hurt..even now sometimes it happens with mum n sis...hen I feel so violated LOL!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

**THEN

I mean lol!

Keshi.

Tys on Ice said...

yep...totally agree...

i studied in a boarding school all my life, where i never had any privacy...it just seems to hve made me more secretive...but to be fair, my privacy and need for solitude is respected and was given earlier by my parents and now by my wife...