The phone rang for the umpteenth time, and she ignored it. It was happening for the last few days. She was upset and stressed. Her husband was trying to apologize and make things better, but here she was holding a grudge against him for something he had done years ago...she was not able to forget or forgive.
"You have hurt me so much in the last few years....so, you have no right to be happy now. I am going to make your life miserable" is what she thought and what she wanted.
Can an individual be responsible for his emotions? I feel , the responsibility lies in the individual himself. Why should one let their feelings on another. Anger can be destructive. Have you ever felt the need to hold a grudge against another? When you analyse it, you realise the solution lies in your own hands.
Let go, and then you'll find yourself at peace. Irrational thoughts are crazy making! They keep us in victim mode and chaos. What can you control....your own thoughts and actions. What you assume is only what you assume. Assumptions may or may not be true. There may be other reasons why things happen. Jumping to conclusions is another form of making an assumption and acting on it as if it were true.
Some people live so much in the hurts of the past that they do not realize that another person has changed or is trying to change. They keep an old version of the person in their mind. Sometimes people do change, so do an update in your mind about them. Life is too short to hold something against another person.
Bringing up old issues from the past during an argument, which diverts the argument into old unresolved hurts and pain while avoiding the current issue. 'You have been doing this to me for years. Last year, you did this to hurt me so, I must bring it up again and again.' This way of fighting brings in every thing but the kitchen sink and your main door to be angry about.
Happiness in life can be achieved when you learn to break into your negative thinking. Mistakes in the way you think causes depression, helplessness and anger, keeping you from being at peace.We all have irrational thoughts, which keep us caught in anger and neurotic behavior. Mistaken beliefs are beliefs and defenses we build up and replay with anger so we do not have to know the truth about our self. Is it true? When one imposes rigid expectations on themselves, other people, and the world because of their beliefs, they are likely to experience unnecessary emotional distress.
Blaming others is a way of life for some people. If you hear yourself continually saying, 'It's not fair!' then you are focusing on the negative instead of going into problem solving. Much of life really isn't fair! So what? Keeping score of mistakes from others and dwelling on them creates an environment of hurt and suspicion. Having a list of 'shoulds' for the partner, which are inconsistent with his or her personality, will undermine a relationship. Focusing on unfairness keeps them caught in anger, resentment and grudges. (Hey, life frequently is unfair, but focusing on it only makes you more miserable!)
Holding a grudge , fans the negative thoughts and anger. Are we trying to protect ourselves from hurt by grudging someone? No one can make you feel anything. Your feelings are entirely your own.
As the saying by Kahil Gibran goes, 'If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?'