Saturday, May 3, 2008

Angries?? Punch me!!




The phone rang for the umpteenth time, and she ignored it. It was happening for the last few days. She was upset and stressed. Her husband was trying to apologize and make things better, but here she was holding a grudge against him for something he had done years ago...she was not able to forget or forgive.
"You have hurt me so much in the last few years....so, you have no right to be happy now. I am going to make your life miserable" is what she thought and what she wanted.

Can an individual be responsible for his emotions? I feel , the responsibility lies in the individual himself. Why should one let their feelings on another. Anger can be destructive. Have you ever felt the need to hold a grudge against another? When you analyse it, you realise the solution lies in your own hands.

Let go, and then you'll find yourself at peace. Irrational thoughts are crazy making! They keep us in victim mode and chaos. What can you control....your own thoughts and actions. What you assume is only what you assume. Assumptions may or may not be true. There may be other reasons why things happen. Jumping to conclusions is another form of making an assumption and acting on it as if it were true.

Some people live so much in the hurts of the past that they do not realize that another person has changed or is trying to change. They keep an old version of the person in their mind. Sometimes people do change, so do an update in your mind about them. Life is too short to hold something against another person.

Bringing up old issues from the past during an argument, which diverts the argument into old unresolved hurts and pain while avoiding the current issue. 'You have been doing this to me for years. Last year, you did this to hurt me so, I must bring it up again and again.' This way of fighting brings in every thing but the kitchen sink and your main door to be angry about.

Happiness in life can be achieved when you learn to break into your negative thinking. Mistakes in the way you think causes depression, helplessness and anger, keeping you from being at peace.We all have irrational thoughts, which keep us caught in anger and neurotic behavior. Mistaken beliefs are beliefs and defenses we build up and replay with anger so we do not have to know the truth about our self. Is it true? When one imposes rigid expectations on themselves, other people, and the world because of their beliefs, they are likely to experience unnecessary emotional distress.

Blaming others is a way of life for some people. If you hear yourself continually saying, 'It's not fair!' then you are focusing on the negative instead of going into problem solving. Much of life really isn't fair! So what? Keeping score of mistakes from others and dwelling on them creates an environment of hurt and suspicion. Having a list of 'shoulds' for the partner, which are inconsistent with his or her personality, will undermine a relationship. Focusing on unfairness keeps them caught in anger, resentment and grudges. (Hey, life frequently is unfair, but focusing on it only makes you more miserable!)

Holding a grudge , fans the negative thoughts and anger. Are we trying to protect ourselves from hurt by grudging someone? No one can make you feel anything. Your feelings are entirely your own.

As the saying by Kahil Gibran goes, 'If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?'

26 comments:

Rambler said...

I agree that one should take responsibilities for his/her emotions and anger or rage is something which needs to be controlled, one great asset to develop is forgiving and forgetting, but I find it difficult, just egging in to put some extra effort every time

Joy said...

*Appalause* Very well said. Forgiving is one of the most difficult things to do. I agree to what you said on letting go and peace prevails.

Pri said...

ahh!! loved the quote by KG :)

the post made soo much sense...often we tend to hold on to the past...the mistakes..the hurt...without giving the other a benefit of doubt!!
but when the same comes to us, we feel that the person is too stuckup...
its funny how we have different rules when it comes to others and ourselves :)

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Very true and written down beautifully.
Forgiveness is a great virtue which helps both parties
TC
CU

brocasarea said...

totally true...grudges and things like it take u no where!!!..learnt it after reading "the monk who sold his ferrari"....read it..:)

Vinni said...

many a times, we spend so much energy in negative thoughts its counter productive. infact, when we do end up making an enemy, we should shower more love on him. it will confuse the hell out of him.

Suma said...

I am hot tempered but i cannot hold a grudge...

**Life is too short to hold something against another person.**

true!!if the person is not worth it, i just forget he/she exists...

nice post, prats!!!

Prats said...

@rambler. Any thing in which we put in extra effort gets to you after a whiel if there is no reciprocation. But we should continue to work on it and not give up

Prats said...

@joy *bows* thank you. Peace is from within...adn when you feel you've let go it helps one from withing and there will be no ill feelings or regrets.

Prats said...

@pri It is so imple and so meaningful, this quote.

**but when the same comes to us, we feel that the person is too stuckup...**
Very true...its always about us most times...and in the race we forget that we are happy and at peace when its the same around us

Prats said...

@CU oh yes...this virtue though over doen by many, is still so difficult to follow, becos we have more hangups when we try it for ourselves..

Prats said...

@brocasarea Thats a lovely book and I keep reading bits and pieces ...
And yes, when you let go, you also give yourself the right to live on and go ahead.
Its difficult but its not impossible

Prats said...

@vinni...hey, your first time here...welcome.

You said it right confuse the hell out of him...by being godo. NOthing can eat up your insides more than bitterness...

Prats said...

@suma :) Yes...its easy to just forget the person exists...but sometimes when the person is in intrinsic part of your life, we just have to forgive , forget and move on....leave the past behind, and start anew , like a blank page

Enigma said...

i'm very hot tempered, but after a time i lose the grudge..i know the amount of energy spent on negative thought..its such a waste of time...but the truth is at some point of time we just cant control ourselves

--xh-- said...

so true, prats.. carrying grudge will decay the self...
'Bringing up ... to be angry about'
I know how it feels... had been subjected to this so often by my ex... she never used to speak up, but keep things in her heart, and used to tak eit out nad fight when she gets a chance... so frustrating, i tell ya...
this is a post i can relate so much to...

Prats said...

@enigma Its so honest of you to even admit that. Many do not want to even think of beign hot tempered. But as logn as the grudge doesn't come into the picture, I guess things will soon get sorted out

Prats said...

@xh. That can be so stressful, not knowing when the outburst is going to happen. I know how it can be.
But its best left behind.

Keshi said...

yes humans are the biggest hypocrites that grace this Earth!

Great post hun and love that last quote!

Keshi.

Tys on Ice said...

ahhh...atlast.

anger is self defeating...holding a grudge is tiring...but bringing back an old fight as ammunation for a new fight is just plain mean...

iam with u on this....

Prats said...

@keshi...you could say that yes!!! sometimes its weird how we never live upto our own promises of being happy. Thank you!

Prats said...

@tys...hey, great to have the once again papa back after donkey's years....

Thank you and yes....meanness just seeps in along with grduges and drains one out...not worth it at all

K said...

Dude, is this the same Prats I know?

I'm Chuck, that is :)

Isn't it strange that our workpaces are across the same road, but this is probably as close as we get to see each other, lol!

K said...

Oops. Sorry, wrong Prats :)

Apologies,
K.

vEENs said...

u make sense... so much more than u can think... more so... because... i hold on to grudge anger everytime... i dnt knw.. i jus dnt leave ti :((

i remember... its like extra effort i make these dayzz to jus let go!

sacchi :)

i m glad u wrote this! i swear!

ceedy said...

so true...but sometimes this realization comes too late....

the mess in the past diturbs all sane existence and then you are left in a lurch....(this is if you are with someone)
and on a personal level....its possible to erase it...