Friday, June 13, 2008

Eyes!-The windows to your soul!



'Look into the eyes while you speak', lines I had heard so often while I was growing up, and it had become just a part of a conversation. I never dwelled on it too much, nor did I, like the kids from our generation ever think of arguing with my parents when it came to speech, posture etiquette. We just knew it must mean something good...and how right I was.

Recently I was part of a conversation where a parent was complaining about her sons arrogance and 'don't care attitude' to her son's coach. He then told her 'try asking him to look into your eyes while talking. You'll see the difference'. He said he had tried it on his teenage sons and it had worked to an extent where they now feel comfortable talking only eye to eye.

It sure got the curious cat out of me. Because, something as simple as eye contact, could hold so much in terms of behaviour discipline for a person.



Yes, its true.


Have you ever tried talking to someone, who keeps looking anywhere but at you and your eye???It feels very eerie, weird and so unsettling at times. Is it right then that one must follow such gestures?



Eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication.


I tried that with my son, and it has been working. I also can judge the mood he is in just by looking into his eyes while he talks to me. If he is in a bad mood, his eyes are open wide-eyed and yet, he has had the courage to look into my eyes now and say 'i'm not in a mood now, I don't want to talk' . Fair enough I would say...when we are not in a great mood, we too don't like being
spoken to , so why should he be different?. But if he had said that looking away from me, I would have got angry and then wondered if he was saying that just to irritate me.
As women, I know many who will agree with me when I say, that the guys who look so pointedly at nothing but at your bust..don't even get a hearing. I'm already..'gosh! he's such a creep, so what if he has important things to say?'


Nervousness can get a person to shuffling around, fidgeting with their hands, many can be seen wringing their hands like it was a wet cloth, while some even talk with their eyes closed.Sometimes, I find myself analysing people and their actions based on how they talk to their peers. It has been very interesting and so refreshing many times. I guess the reason why I never get bored while waiting for eternity for people to turn up at times, will be this. Just sit and observe without being too obtrusive.

Have you ever tried sitting down on your haunches while you hold a conversation with 2 foot chatty kid? Watch how their eyes dance, with glee, and show their excitement while they explain how the roots of a plant is white , and how they pulled it out of its socket in the soil, by themselves and it didn't break?



Have you come across such nonverbal communication that really put you off , or was very endearing while you were trying to hold a conversation with someone?

15 comments:

--xh-- said...

yes yes and then again yes... i make it a point that i look into teh eye and smile with my eye when i talk... and teh effects r really visible... i do feel uncomfy whn i talk to ppl who look everywhere but to teh eyes... and it is a happy sight to see the sparkling eyes of kids.. teh gleen the eyes have whn they explain things to us - itz so cute and refreshing...

brocasarea said...

hmmm....yeah when i talk to my present crush....i see her face[and eyes] coz i like it:D...

rayshma said...

i DO make eye contact. always.

it was so refreshing to come back and read all the posts i missed out on...

and heyy.. i missed meeting u in b'lore... next time pucca!

Suma said...

hey...i missed soooooo many posts....

and ohh! yes to everything....

Keshi said...

some ppl where sunnies n speak to me..I hate that!

Keshi.

keiths ramblings said...

For many years I was involved in the training of salesmen. Establishing and maintaining eye contact is one of the most powerful weapons in the proffesional salespersons armoury.

ceedy said...

Ofcourse...you know its basic sign language....people who are fibbing, trying to avoid, or trying to make up things will never look into your eyes...

or the other extreme if someone wants you to buy their "idea" they will have piercing looks....

observe sales people....the best way to find out

prats...am sorry...summer here is very busy in every way - work, family visiting, and ofcouase the regular outings....cause of the drab of winter...so might be slow in reading and responding to the posts....

hope all is well in blore :)

WhatsInAName said...

What a lovely post and how true is that!
Like you said, I can easily judge whether my children are avoiding my queries or being honest just by looking into their eyes. And they too can guess my mood!
Eye, surely are the windows to our soul.
About men staring at the bust, Oh, I remember using files while talking to a certain colleague :D
It so irritating !!!

Preethi said...

yes yes yes!!! I believe in eye contact too..

J said...

Communicating with the eyes is just plain neat. Like, you could convey something completely different yet speak something else, leaving the other person soooooo confused ;)

Vinesh said...

i maintain eye contact mostly, but sometimes get bored and even cross eyed if i do it consciously. no one's complained so far, though!

sahana said...

reminds me of that old kannada song, ade kannu,ade kannu........
the mouth might be saying anything, look into the eyes and thats all the answer u need.
my kids always are so confounded about how mamma knows the truth even whan the charade had been so elaborate!
hehehe!

Somebody Else said...

Hey, this is so true. It really does make a difference when you look into people's eyes when speaking.

Also, it is that much difficult if you are trying to
1)Not smile stupidly
2)Not Blush in telltale ways

;)

Madhumita. said...

I always make my son look into my eyes when there is a discipline issue. Works every time ... less aggression, more listening.

yaeecks veens is here said...

such an amazing piece Prats!! so very true...

YES!