For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Things I've learned from my children
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
And these added courtesy my kids:
When ur 3 year old says eggs after opening the refrigerator door, pay attention, don't ignore!
Lost kitchen stuff can be found inside their toys closet
Calcium sandoz was meant for kids to grow strong...not for the expensive cd player to grow ??
Mudbombs were not just words typed randomly
When explaining something think carefully before you nod ur head...
Whe kids ask for a sieve to play in the sandpit, give it...or else it could be your headphones' ear piece....
Believe me , its not fun to scour through poo, after a child has ingested a coin!!
If your neighbour offers to give ur child something to eat, give in.....it works better and less stressful
Roasted , groundnuts inside puliyogare, offered to the LORD, belongs in there, not the nostrils!!
If you want to know how a thick glass can break, ask ur sons to play football with their basketball....
The swingsets in the playarea, co-operates perfectly when the 5 year old swings off into the air- a la Krishh....(broken bones and all)
If u need to know what embarassment is all about, turn the other way when a huge team of school kids and their principal are watching all agape at a 6 year old doing flips and headstands, right in the middle of an empty huge cricket field.
If you want your child to sit quietly in the car, just get out and let them go alone...
If you want to know what Love is all about, try tearing apart 2 siblings in the middle of a fight....
You'll understand your mom better, after your child has told you for the nth time
" I think you're a stepmom"
If you want your child to hug you, just go hug your husband...
The water gun works perfectly just outside the bathroom door...
If your child doesn't know how to climb trees and walls, don't be upset....its better that way...
Their hands are dirtier and its unhealthy for them, when they see a bottle of sanitizer, but not before they eat their meal after playing in the sandpit...
If you want conversation with a child, try putting him to bed!!!!