And then....

The beautiful orange streaks across the sky beckoned her thoughts, and so did her gaze look yonder. She had just come back from a beautiful play, one which she had initially refused to go for. Her friend had insisted, saying she had not stepped out for ages, and she might need the change.She had finally given in and had also enjoyed every moment of her day out. She had felt one with the breeze, the green of the lush trees and also the nip in the air reminded her of the lovely monsoon winds.
She stared out of the window, trying to catch the silver line bordering the dark clouds in the orange sky. It was a fusion of colours, just like her innermost thoughts. She knew in a few minutes all her smiles would dissolve. She had tried talking to her friends about him. But then he was a different persona in front of them. How could she convince them , that what they saw in him was not what he was. He turned into a monster , a person, who couldnt handle negative criticism, someone who wanted repeated assurances that he was good, even if it meant it was a lie. How could she tell them, that she walked on egg shells while he was around. Not knowing
which action of hers, or words would anger him? She hoped he worked late, tonight too, she could sleep peacefully knowing there would be no arguments seeping into the night. She prayed for courage , strength and the guts to voice out her feelings.
But then " “things are not always as they appear”, and she knew only too well the repurcursions if her efforts backfired!
She looked on and on, into the grey of the night!

Written in response to the prompt at Matinee muse.

Nerd alert!!

Nerd is a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age inappropriate rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers

Obscure?!!!

Does that mean, I am one? :( Oh oh!! and all the while I was thinking I was being a very caring mother, one who answers the doubts unanswered by the school teachers ( wonder , how that issue will ever get solved?? ), felt very elated when I solved the math problems...i've had to study the chapters too before I let out my tirades...All the tarzanish yollering, all come to an abrupt end... :( :( :(

My son called me a 'nerd'

I was sure, being social ( I can talk to walls too...but thats the issue of being a chatterbox...) , I sometimes do dumb things like walk into walls or furniture...not always pursuing intellectual activities...I still push a door that says pull...yeah...I can be dumb too..., I stop myself from jumping and touching the branch of a tree on the roadside, ( thinking it is not age appropriate..( the auto drivers might just die narrating the incident to the next 100 drivers along the street :( ...). And I take part in some of the popular activities like watching movies or television ....I'm not a loner...I have friends too...and love each and every one of them , and keep in touch with them too.
But then why do you think I am a nerd????
Well , unit tests are on now...and somehow, my elder son assumes, the way to solving math problems are just getting the answers right...which of course the school and all their clan frowns upon...they need the steps ...and I very smartly told him that...
" How can you just write an answer, how will they know how you got to it??. When I was in school ( wrong call....totally...should have just shut up) we used to always write each step and didnt think of arguing like this"
"Huh!! You were a nerd , ma!!"
Nerd?!!!!

How do they expect us to teach them anything if we don't know anything?? But if we know it, we are nerds...wow!!! Great isn't it?
The other day, I overheard a few students in my sons' school talking...( I know, I should learn not to eavesdrop on kids....). One of the kids while watching a match was trying to write down his notes, that he had missed..( I thought that was so cool and smart, he was so responsible) , when.....
"Saw that A, what a nerd he is..so dumb, no?!!..."
Poor child, and here we mothers were sitting and wishing all our sons would at least look at their books and not run around like monkeys, convincing the principal that their teams needed cheering , so he should give them permission to watch all the matches...huh!!!

Then I read this somewhere...

Nerds are also sometimes portrayed as having symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, such as by showing an extreme devotion to following rules.

I think I need a time out and go assess my skills at parenting and more of being a "non-nerd"...and I just need to find out what the hell this word Esoteric Knowledge means??

Door to door .....with freebies?!!

"MeyDum, ondhu pyaket thogonDre, ondhu spoon free" (madam if you buy one packet, you'll get one spoon free) Yes....and then 12 packets were bought...how else could you make a set of 12 spoons for your cutlery set?!!!
Remember those times...( i've lost out on that scenario, 'cos I moved into apartments) I dont know their skill , but all I can remember is them ringing the doorbell exactly 9 minutes after you dozed off into noon nap..ech....they would refuse to go away....if you didnt open the door and look at their plastered faces...they would keep their grimy fingers on that drasted doorbell of yours.

And then when you opened the door, they would erupt, spontaneously into their tirade of...."buy one take one free"....and even if you did open the door and bought something...they would furiously scrawl something ineligible in black nonwashable something on your neatly painted wall.. :( . Reminds me of Alladin and the 40 thieves.. gulp

How many badam packets has my mother in law bought..." Ille, spoon nalla irukku" (no, the spoons are of good quality) she would say and I would go....eekss....but what would I do with 12 badam packets???? I hate them......but 12 spoons it was.

The kitchen piled up on steel tumblers, 'eversilver' ( stainless steel) dabras( katoris , cups) , then one day, if you were lucky, it would also change into some fine printed handkerchief...yes....that the poor hanky would finally shrink to the size of the nose, is a different matter...

There was this set of ladies who would make their visit to our house regularly...naturally..they wouldn't miss out on their best customer, would they? And then my mother in law, would complain about the previous rusting plate that they had offered and to exchange it...but " NO....the offer had changed :D !!!!

It was now one packet of sanitary napkins free with the other...gaaawwwd....I have seen the whole room reeling under the weight of those blue packets....what with 3 women...grrrr one years supply...baaah bwaaah

I was absolutely sure that we were the only family who did this...but to my horror, my mother told me, that her neighbour also did the same. But her reasoning was different..." poor girls, if they dont sell something, they won't get commission( that was how it worked...commission on n number of products sold) "
So then the house would be decorated with the encyclopedia, the cookery books....those that were sold on promotional tactics ..." we are giving a 70% off, ma'm" in their very accented perfect english. Now I wonder...why was it that the guy would always be accompanied by a smartly dressed girl, and the girl would do all the yacking while the poor guy stood quietly lookin hopefully to see that promising positive look in our eyes?!!! Of course I fell into that trap too....books being my weakness....and each time they targeted me in the office...so I now have a collection of 'fruits for all occassion', 'potatos and their magic'...'world books', 'Saarus', 'icecreams'...no...i'm stuck with them...

It also reminds me of the pastime we used to have as kids....no tv then...Bangalore had not yet got its tv...so it was us sitting playing traditional games, chaukabara, drawing, reading books, and of course listening and aping the "steel paaaaathre saaamaaanyo" ( steel utensilssss)...and then would get that glare from the big man...who would turn around his head with all the steel utensils carefully, skillfully, placed and also hanging out of the cane basket, like the BTS buses with commuters spilling all over the door. Today when I see all the neat old clothes, sarees, etc and trying to give them away or donate them...I think back to those scorched afternoons when that man would go about screeching in his nasal tones...while his lil boy would hold one piece of that steel carrier with the handle...wondering if in the next house, the lady would give away some saree with Zari..( it fetched a better price, you see!!) or some hapless suit..

Thankfully now we get all the freebies stuck into the glossy sheets of the ever popular magazines...Sunsilk shampoo sachets, meera shikakai, the get children yantras, and cds too...no more doorbells ringing...but no more "MeyDum"..... too :(

Do you think....

There are times when you feel as if all the world around you seems to be dissolving and you are to be blamed for that. But still you know that deep inside your soul, you've been a good human being, and nothing can leave scars on the crust of your goodness.

Positivity can hang on for ever...but is there a solution to falling into a chasm with no end?

Can someone ever get away with everything just because they are louder and stronger and just make themselves heard better???

Can a person ever forgive and forget the past, when all that the past has given is corrosion of its strongest defences-its pride and self confidence?

In books lies the soul of my whole past time......

Preethi from Incessant Musings tagged me to do this very interesting one....and with my love of books....I couldn't even think of saying a no...Thanks Preethi....but now you're held responsible if I stay hidden...co's i'm back again looking through all these old books of mine... :)

The tag reads, that i've got to list out my top ten literary characters...and man!!! this was tough to sort out....some were forgotten, but still loved, and some got me back to reading some lines yet again....

and then here goes the countdown...In no particular order....I love all equally

1. Howard Roark, *stars dancing around her eyes* in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
It was the first day of our professional course, and we had a few seniors posing as lecturers to rag us weeny freshers. The name stands out because we had one guy asking a fresh new student why she had taken up this course....and her answer was " I loved the book Fountainhead" and thats why. That name has followed me ever since. The character so strong and so impressionable. Thats how I chose to favour him. My favourite character from a literary novel. Roark who takes pleasure in the act of creation

PS. By the way...that student wasn't me....!!!

2. Julian from the Famous Five . Each time the 3 siblings were sent on a vacation to their uncle's house on Kirrin Island, they chose to take me along on the journey....and I went...spinning dreams and convincing myself that the character Julian was made ,keeping me in mind.. ( what hopes I had!!!...) and then the five turned to seven and the characters grew along with me...some became, James hardley Chase's characters and then some my very own dream Mills and boon heroes...but I still believe the spirit of adventure in me was sown by the Famous Five and Julian.

3. Thornbirds- Father Ralph de Bricassart

When the strikingly handsome; "a beautiful man", stepped foot into Drogheda....my interests were spiked and there started an affair with the young, capable, and ambitious priest. Have read this book so many times, that I finally convinced myself to watch the movie....but I had to say, I was disappointed.I had imagined Father Ralph as this very handsome tall, blond haired man and there he was on the screen blowing out all the fizz left in my poor imaginative soul :(. But then the character stayed on .

4. The Bridges of Madison County is a best-selling novel by Rober James Waller.


When the lonely Itallian war bride engages in an adulterous affair with a National Geographic photographer little did she know she'd leave behind a very starry eyed woman mooning over them. Clint Eastwood i'm sure would have done a fantastic job in that role ...and i'm hoping one day i'll get hold of the dvd of the film . Happened to read the epilogue entitled A Thousand Country Roads that was published in 2002, but was not so impressed as the first one.


5. Kabuliwala- Rabindranath Tagore
The lovely story, simple, descriptive and poignant. When you finish this story you're left glossy eyed ( at least it does that to me) . Tagore managed to bring out such wonderful nuances to this huge man from Afghanistan, and the simplicity of an innocent girl. .

6.The title song from the serial still rings clear ....ta nana thana nana naaa....and I can visualize little chubby Swami running across the scenic Malgudi..the present Agumbe the location . His pranks, his antics, and his sweet smile, was so endearing we chose to stay up every week while the serial was being telecast. I had read some of RK Narayan's books, before that...but this one should be the best...adorable Swami from Malgudi Days.

Ta nana tha nananaaaa

7. Casablanca

The boy stood on the burning deck,
whence all but him had fled.....
This poem....while at school, used to be and still remains one of my favourites. I remember having a lump in my throat when I used to read it...the image of the boy, imprinted itself in my brain...he never grew, through the years, he just stayed glued to that deck......he still remains as my best loved poetic characters..

8. " Take care to chop the onion fine. To keep from crying when you chop it ( which is so annoying!), I suggest you place a little bit on your head.....The first few lines in this novel, and I was hooked...When Tita, is forced to stay unmarried because of some traditions in their culture, she weaves a tale around her, mixing some traditional recipes on the way...I found this girl to be so wonderful...and yes...got hold of many recipes too in the bargain. It has been made into a film too...but I stick to print on paper.
Tita from "Like water for Chocolate" by Laura Esquivel. A novel with recipes, romances and Home remedies....The secrets of love and life as revealed by the kitchen...

9. Memoirs of a Geisha...
Chiyo....such a cute name....and endearing personality. When she moves around the village and the city, she grows in her character and still retains the innocence ...This appealed so much....and loved her all the way...

10. When I was in school...and acted as if I was the 'Thames born brigade' ( for those who don't understand what i'm talking about....I used to talk only in English, and my regional language was offered step motherly treatment....). Not to say that now, I can converse pretty well and fight back of course in perfect Kannada...so my dad need not fret...his daughter managed without throwing the covers of Battani...(battani sippe, mattar ka chilka), books written in Kannada was like huh!!! how can you read such a thing...
But as addicted as I was to reading even back then....I would sneak out my dad's collection...and read through some of them.( yes!! remember it was pages, and something printed on them! One of which was G.P Rajarathnams. Can't remember the name of the book now though :(. but, I can still remember the poems for kids that he would write back then..
one of which is-
"Kutuku, kutuku kaalanittu ( kutuk, kutuk, he kept his feet)
Kunta naDedhane ( The lame man walked)
Gutuku, Gutuku.......
Neeru kuDidhanu

Naayi mari naayi mari.... ( i' m sure all hardcore kids from local upbringing would have voiced out these words at some time in their lives) check them out here ( Its in the local language , kannada...so i'll translate them later, one day :) )

But they were all a treasure...and i'm so glad I was bored back then, and got to reading such simple but lovely words, by this great man.

11. Roald Dahl...I know he's the author, but he's the main guy who brings life to his beautiful stories...so elegantly worded, colourfully described and so thoughtful his journeys through the character. His first book that I read... ( the one time my sister asked me to just check this guy out..."Danny the champion of the world" and there I went reading through most of his collection...the horror stories collection too....they were amazing...

12. My friend just gave me this treasure trove...and man!!!! I'm on a high!!
Who else but this little imp can do that to me....His antics and repartees....am now too engrossed, devouring the book.... "The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes"
A Calvin and Hobbes treasury by Bill Watterson.
and his famous line :
Calvin :What's you tail for?
Hobbes : My tail?
Calvin : Yeah. Why do tigers need tails?
Hobbes : Geee, I'm not really sure,
I guess just because they look good
Calvin : So it's sort of a necktie for your butt?
Hobbes : Let's not be vulgar. You're just jealous.
Precious, this one....and now i'm sure all you guys are jealous of me ...now that I got this collection...go on...go on...admit it...hehehh
Happy reading!!!

yes....I couldn't stop at 10 so I went on and on...so now what????

Am I going to be beheaded?!!!!

And now comes the allocation...

PS from Just A Mother of Two

Madhu from One True thing

Tys from Life and other such nonsense

Ziah from A slice of lime

Gazal from A point and a view

Joy from Me, my mind and wilderness

Shruthi from High Spot

and all those book lovers who are dying to take up this tag ;)

Size zero!!

Size zero?!!!!!
Was reading the glossy Femina...yes! I love that magazine, for its many uses. When you are really wasted for time, you get to hear the juicy gossip about half the million people in the world, all of whom I wont even have heard of, forget knowing them. But its fun to know that they exist!!!!

All the shiny pictures, that are glued onto my sons school projects worms its way out from here...so I have to say a Thank you!

I see those umpteen pages showing those clothes, that make me hang my head down in shame....size zero??? the tube tops, that would require a hangar to hold onto if I were to wear it? but It helps me dream...and how!! Then I read about this woman who is going for a ninth boob job :O ....and she's not finding a doctor to do the surgery...is she nuts?????, what if she falls flat on her face....her face wont even touch the ground..and then her expensive silcons would be
ruined :( Nah!!!! I'm happy the way I am...imperfect but happy nevertheless.

I read about all those inspiring stories about entrepreneurs, and their road to success....and then suddenly, I'm dreaming of that perfectly tarred road, in front of me...neat and clean...but then I forget to see those thorny shrubs on the edge of each road...and then its back to junping over the potholes and pitstops....i'm happy that I atleast have the eyes to see around me....thorns or the roses....i'll find every one of them and stop to soak in the fragrance and keep it within and smile.

I see all those exotic, sexy looking dishes made out of ingredients, i'd give my pinky toe to know where its available in my very conservative , locality, where my local grocer thinks mushrooms and celery are equivalent to Sushi...yeah....I know I need to head out to those hep supermarkets, to find what I want...but I am not going to spend half my life going across this over crowded city, absorbing carbon dioxide in exchange for some ingredient only to be told later that it was just the "dantina soppu" that my cycle weilding soppu man, brings in fresh out of his own fields...and for which I pay one tenths the price...and I can go across in my down to earth(literally!!) jeans and need not wear my lipstick at all....or better still I can read up my favourite blogs, which show real cooking with my sensibilities...the list is on my blogroll..

I have to read that section about parenting....and now and then turn back to my non existent half, and tell myself...not bad, you're doing things just right....to the T....and only to turn around and find , in my case, all those tips, just tipped my position as a cool mom!!, only to turn into a " you're mad ma!! "...I'll stick to my intuition and my love for my kids....give them the boring
raagi kanji in the morning, and not the colourful platter shown on the glossies...I can sleep well knowing I used my own 2 hands making them, even though the faces I made drooled out the sauce from the eyes into the chin..

And yes...if I dont mention the surveys and the to do's and how to do's...I can't sleep..I've been assured by every issue....the moves, the angles, the positions and the moods...yes!!! I know for one...nothing works..its love that matters and the rest is left to the head that shouldn't ache, or the sock that hasn't gone into the washer...jackie chan jai ho!!!

PS: I wanted to thank each and everyone who had my friend her family in their prayers.